Just because of Love :)

Hanya Kerana Cinta - HafizAF+ArilAF+AyuOIAM+AnneHotFM+TiniHotFM

Keadaan kita memang sukar
Bukan kerna cinta yang menghalang
Walaupun terpaksa kita terpisah
Namun hanya untuk seketika saja

Tak pernah lepas dari cobaan
Dalam perjalanan percintaan
Tapi ku relakan cintaku untuk mu
Yakin pada tulusnya kasihmu

Hanya kerana cinta ku melangkah jauh
Sanggup menyepi mencari ilham ku
Tak ada yang lebih dari itu
Hanya kerana cinta ku bersujud pasrah
Mengharapkan belas maaf dari mu
Tak ada yang lebih
Tak ada yang lebih dari itu

Bawalah aku ke dalam mimpi mu
Agar ku dapat bersama mu
Walaupun hanya sementara
Sentuhanmu indah



P/S: It is one beautiful modern Hari Raya song. Dedicated to my sweet sweet people, all around the globe. Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin :D

WC.Dreams.Du'a.

I never thought of being a world champion one day. But maybe today, I'll start dreaming to be one, in anything I'd be doing in the future.

I am no athlete, I don't dream of winning gold medal for Olympics.
I am no sportsman, don't imagine I'd win the World Cup.
I am just ordinary, with talents of mine that some I still don't discover.. YET.

Being a champ of the world, I might be idols to a lot of souls.
But at my age, I just couldn't visualize what would I be.
Well, at least I have started dreaming, the first step to everything.

Dream. I always dream of becoming somebody that would inspire people. In a good way of course. But at the same time I know I must be better, and better everyday. Maybe not the best, as it would put me in the comfort situation, where I'd slowdown my pace, and maybe drifted in my own imaginations.

Success is everywhere waiting for me to grab them, and I tell you, I'm on my way :)

Oh, you too deserve success. Everyone does... after putting such effort and faith together. And I always believe that hardwork pays. Doesn't mean we have to work 24/7, putting so much physical efforts, that somehow we sometimes forget, the power of Du'a :)

I'm not best at religious views, but I'd love to share in a way that reminds me too as His servant :)

So we can always dream, and pray, ask for anything we want, but always, with EFFORT :) and if we can hardly see the way, we can always ask Him, to show the path, and the rest of the journey... is up to us :)

Have a safe and interesting journey ahead! :D

A dream of she.

she liked it the way they were,
driving in his car for an hour,
they talked they laughed together,
he took her home to meet his mother.

everyone seems happy,
everything seems right.
no sorrow no worry,
not even a single fight.

he made her smile,
she loved his style,
in love they were,
made for each other.

and then it blurred,
everything disappeared.
crap, it was just a dream,
and again, she dreamt of him.

she took a pen
a notebook then

"Dear Diary,
I felt happy.
even for a while,
he made me smile."

"even it's a dream,
I feel like to scream,
that one day finally,
he'll fall for me."

no matter where she stays,
she keeps him, the safest place.
No one could see, no one could be,
for only him, has the key,
but he never knew, sadly.

----------------------------------

I used to wrote stuffs like this back in my school years. And then the words just disappear. Maybe it need something to trigger, and now I'm starting to get there. Again.

So what had triggered me? I still don't know.

A dream maybe? ",

+According to you+

According to you - Orianthi

According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless
I can't do anything right
According to you I'm difficult, hard to please
Forever changing my mind

I'm a mess in a dress, can't show up on time
Even if it would save my life
According to you, according to you

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
So baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you

According to you I'm boring, I'm moody
And you can't take me any place
According to you I suck at telling jokes
'Cause I always give it away

I'm the girl with the worst attention span
You're the boy who puts up with that
According to you, according to you

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
So baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you

I need to feel appreciated
Like I'm not hated, oh no
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad, you're making me dizzy

But according to me you're stupid, you're useless
You can't do anything right

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
Baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you, you
According to you, you

According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless
I can't do anything right

Melancholic.

the heart was torn into pieces,
that no word could describe.

the rain poured sorrow,
no stars nor moon light.

she cried and cried.
alone she hide.

she tried to stop,
but a smile, she forgot.

she stood and prayed,
regrets, she said.

Dear God,
help her, she begged.
cause no one cared.
no,not even him.

poor little girl,
nobody hears.
even he, didn't listen.

she walked in pain,
blood rush in vain.

sorrow don't come tomorrow,
she begged, please go.

and if sorrow comes tomorrow,
maybe she'd go.

...................

Philosophical Freak~

While others say I am unique, some call me Freak.
That I'm so philosophical, that I think too complicated.

And then I told 'em I am just looking at things differently,
and I thought it was good for them, to consider the good and the bad side.

But then again they say I fail to impress, that my views doesn't really count.
So how can I be what I am not? And say things I don't really mean?
Where have all the Law of Expressing gone? Or do they even existed before?

If I succeed to impress them, it also means I failed myself.
I let down the desire in me, to dare to dream the impossible.
At least I am always trying to be optimistic, and to be better.

It's true that we cannot change people.
It is also true that it takes a lot to change.
We can never be somebody else, but we can always be better.

No matter what we were taught in the past,
it's always up to us to choose cause we always have options.
And when they were hooked up with what they always believed,
even when they could do better, that's when I'll take a step away.

One at a time. Then another, and another.

Because how can you let yourself to be around people that lives in denial?
Or people that really knows their potential and knows what's stopping them and still,sadly and tragically, couldn't do anything about it?

And then they started to envy other people's life,
while they limit their imaginations that they'll never achieve like the other people one day,
and then in the end they will finally realize that they've wasted years holding back themselves for NOTHING!

Wasted money, money can be earn.
Wasted food, food you can buy.
But wasted life? You can never get it back.
Lucky you, you still have your future.

I am not writing this here to humiliate anyone.
I am writing this coz it filled my mind.
And I felt responsible to express my thoughts this way,
that in general everyone that reads, can never know, what triggered me.

But all I can say is, this, is happening everywhere, throughout life. That someday you might bumped onto these kind of people, and then you'll know how I felt.

Thanks for reading :D

Ramadhan di rumah Dia ",

Setiap kali Ramadhan tiba, setiap kali itulah aku rindu.

Rindukan ketenangan yang hadir, rindu debaran dada setiap kali kaki melangkah masuk ke rumah Dia. Dan aku rindu sebak di hati tatkala terlihat binaan teguh di tengah-tengah lautan manusia yang telah lama menjadi kiblat umat seagamaku.

Sepanjang hidup, 3 kali Dia menjemput aku jadi tetamu di rumah Dia. Pertama kali waktu itu aku kosong, tak mengerti yang wajib yang sunat, yang aku tahu, pertama kali itu yang paling manis kerana dapat menikmati harumnya Batu Hitam di sudut binaan teguh itu. Ketika itu usia baru 6 tahun. Walaupun tidak faham setiap perlakuan mereka, aku merasa seronok berjalan keliling binaan teguh itu, dan berulang-alik antara 2 bukit, tanpa sedikit pun letih, apatah lagi minta didukung, yang aku ingat, Ayah pimpin tangan aku, dan bila Ayah berlari-lari anak, aku pun ikut sama :)

Kali kedua sewaktu usia 10 tahun. Kali ini aku pergi bersama Ayah dan Mama sahaja, kata Ayah sebab aku cemerlang dalam peperiksaan. Betul juga, sebab sebelum peperiksaan akhir tahun, Ayah janjikan pakej umrah kalau aku dapat nombor 1 dalam batch. Dan kerana terlalu mahukan itu, aku berusaha dan berdoa dan Dia jadikan aku tetamu Dia lagi tahun itu. Waktu ini hanya 3 perkara yang masih lekat di ingatanku. Pertama, setiap kali pulang dari rumah Dia, pasti Ayah belikan aku jus mangga yang tak terbanding dengan mana-mana jus mangga di Malaysia. Satu hari, aku minta jus mixed fruit, dan akibatnya, sewaktu mengikut Ayah makan malam bersama rakannya di hotel lima bintang di sana, aku muntah teruk. Kedua, sepanjang berada di sana, aku berkomunikasi dengan Ayah dan Mama dalam Bahasa Inggeris, peliknya, bila sampai saja di Malaysia, terus keras lidah menyebut perkataan Bahasa Inggeris. Ketiga, tiket penerbangan pulang ke Malaysia masih belum disahkan, sehingga hari terakhir tempoh sah visa, bermakna 10 hari berada di tanah Dia. Waktu itu, sebenar-benarnya aku sudah rindukan Malaysia :)

Kali ketiga dan yang paling mengujakan adalah sewaktu usia 14 tahun. Waktu ini agak kelam-kabut juga lah dibuatnya. Tiket penerbangan hanya disahkan beberapa hari sebelum berangkat. Waktu itu pertengahan Ramadhan, waktu penerbangan pula sejurus selepas waktu berbuka. Ayah masih bekerja pada sebelah siangnya, dan kami tiba lewat di KLIA. Tapi memang itu yang selalu Ayah lakukan, sebab ada kelebihan check-in lewat. Akhirnya kami dapat upgrade ke bussiness class secara percuma :) rezeki Ramadhan :)

Uniknya ziarah kali ini adalah pemergian kami tidak melalui mana-mana agensi pelancongan. Memandangkan Ayah berpengalaman luas dalam bidang Umrah & Ziarah, kata Ayah biar mencabar dan menarik sedikit. Aku akur sajalah, duit Ayah kan :)

Tiba saja di Jeddah, kami hampir-hampir lewat untuk penerbangan ke Madinah, kerana lapangan terbang yang berbeza. Tak dinafikan juga kerana sistem imigresen disana yang kurang efisyen. Nasib baik Ayah tahu berdiplomasi dengan orang-orang Arab, dapat juga kami sampai di lapangan terbang satu lagi dengan bantuan rakan Ayah di Jeddah.

Tiba saja di Madinah, aku keletihan yang amat. Dan bila ditanya kepada Ayah tentang hotel, Ayah kata, tunggu dulu dekat lobi hotel dan Ayah berjalan bersama rakannya mencari hotel yang lebih cost-effective. Memang ziarah bajet ni :) Memang aku tertidur di lobi hotel tersebut, dan bila tersedar, Ayah kembali dan membawa kami ke hotel lain. Tak ingat lah apa nama hotelnya, ada 3 katil, dan bilik air kecil. Cukuplah untuk kami berempat.

Waktu itu di Madinah memang sejuk. Kali pertama kami hanya solat di luar Masjid Nabawi. Sejuknya Tuhan saja yang tahu. Sudahlah pakaian ala kadar dan hanya bertelekung, tahan gigil aje lah :) Tapi aku seronok. Pengalaman Ramadhan pertama di tanah suci :)

Ketika sampai di masjid sebelum Maghrib, ramai yang mengagih-agihkan makanan, di dalam masjid, di luar masjid, di tepi-tepi jalan. Tak kira bangsa, warna kulit dan rupa, putih atau hitam pakaiannya, kerana yang ada di situ semuanya satu agama :)dan sambil itu si pemberi akan berkata, "Fi Sabilillah" :) Selepas berbuka ala kadar dan solat maghrib di masjid, kami kembali ke hotel, dan Ayah keluar mencari makanan berat untuk mengisi perut yang lapar (sebab tak sempat bersahur pada pagi nya). Ayah seronok mencuba pelbagai makanan tempatan, dan paling mengujakan aku adalah kentang goreng yang gemuk-gemuk belaka :) Untuk sahur juga Ayah belikan kami nasi di jual orang Pakistan, besar-besar butir nasinya :) Hidangan seorang kami makan empat orang :)

Di Masjid Nabawi juga, aku pertama kali bersolat Jumaat. Menarik kan? (siapa kata perempuan tidak boleh solat jumaat!)

Menariknya lagi,aktiviti membeli-belah rancak pada sebelah malam selepas Solat Tarawikh. Ayah kata kedai-kedai ini buka sebelah malam hingga waktu sahur, dan kemudian siangnya tutup. Tidak lama di Madinah, 19 Ramadhan kami bersiap untuk ke Makkah. Yang menariknya, Ayah tidak mahu mengikut rombongan bas jemaah Malaysia yang bertolak pada waktu yang sama, tapi Ayah bawa kami ke stesen bas.

Sampai saja di sana, masyaAllah, ramainya manusia, lebih dahsyat dari Puduraya sesaknya. Berebut-rebut orang membeli tiket, tiket yang ada hanyalah selepas Asar sedangkan waktu itu Zuhur pun belum. Bertambah menarik, walaupun tiket dibeli mengikut jadual bas yang bergerak mengikut waktu, orang-orang Arab ini berebut-rebut menaiki bas walaupun membeli tiket yang lebih lewat waktunya. Pantang ada bas yang membuka pintu, berebut-rebut mereka sampai bertolakan tak kira lelaki perempuan walaupun memakai ihram! Dahsyat! Waktu itu aku hanya mampu berdoa, kerana tak terfikir satu cara pun aku akan terselamat menaiki bas jika begitu gayanya masyarakat Arab.

Alhamdulillah, sekali lagi rezeki Ramadhan dihadiahkan buat kami. Ayah berbual dengan seorang pemandu bas Indonesia, dan kebetulan dia mahu memulakan perjalanan, dia minta Ayah bawa kami menunggu betul-betul di depan pintu bas tersebut sebelum dilihat orang lain. Syukur, aku tak perlu bertarung dengan apa yang telah aku saksikan sebelumnya :) Kami berbuka dalam perjalanan dan selepas niat ihram di tempat Miqat, aku tidur sepuas-puasnya (kerana sebelumnya tidak dapat tidur disebabkan anak-anak orang Arab yang menjerit-jerit memanggil ayahnya dari depan ke belakang dan juga orang Arab yang bergaduh kerana menurunkan tempat sandar kerusi).

Dan bila niat ihram dah terlafaz, bersedialah dengan dugaan di bumi Dia. Cabaran pertama, aku tersedar sewaktu orang lain nyenyak tidur kerana tekak begitu perit. Dan hampir-hampir tak dapat bernafas. Bila diselidik, rupanya ada manusia tak bertanggungjawab sedang menghisap rokok dalam bas yang tertutup! OK kesabaran teruji.

Setibanya di Makkah, sedikit terubat bila saja terdengar bacaan imam solat tarawikh dari Masjidil Haram. Waktu itu bermulanya Malam ke-20 Ramadhan. Patutlah berebut-rebut orang masuk ke Makkah, mahu mengejar Lailatulqadr. Turun saja dari bas, kami terpaksa menunggu lagi rakan Ayah. Dugaan datang lagi, aku begitu sesak dengan asap kenderaan.

Sudahnya, aku demam panas ketika dalam ihram, dan hanya keesokan harinya barulah dapat menunaikan ibadat Umrah. Perasaan pertama kali melihat Kaabah tersergam begitu indah amat mengasyikkan. Rasanya seperti jatuh cinta pandang pertama, betul tak tipu! Terasa sangat ingin menyentuhnya, melihatnya sebanyak mungkin, dan kerana aku juga, Mak terpaksa berjalan jauh ke dalam masjid, kerana aku mahu melihat Kaabah :)

Berbuka di Masjidilharam tidak begitu berbeza dengan di Madinah. Pernah sekali kami terlewat sampai, azan sudah berkumandang dan tak ada satupun makanan di tangan, ketika itu ramai yang menghulurkan kurma dan roti. Sebak aku seketika, kerana aku yakin, di bumi itu, takkan pernah Dia biarkan kita merasa susah.

Di Makkah, kami berkongsi juadah dengan rombongan jemaah Malaysia. Ayah tidak begitu setuju, kerana kata Ayah tak seronok tak dapat merasa makanan tempatan di Makkah. Aku ikutkan saja, janji ada makanan :)

Pengalaman Ramadhan di Tanah Haram hingga ke hari ini masih segar dalam ingatan. Seronoknya bertarawikh di sana hinggakan tak terasa malas menyudahkan 20 rakaat, bukan kerana peluang datang hanya sekali, tapi semangatnya Imam melagukan ayat-ayat suci dan bacaan qunut yang menyayukan yang buat aku begitu rindu suasana itu.

Dan setiap kali Ramadhan menjelang tahun-tahun setelah itu, aku jadi sayu, jadi rindu. Mungkin tidak sampai doaku ke langit untuk jadi tetamu Dia lagi. Mungkin banyak perkara yang perlu aku perbetulkan sebelum melangkah ke Tanah Suci. Mungkin Dia ada pilihan waktu yang lebih baik untuk aku ke sana. Mungkin juga kali ini aku harus berusaha lebih menyimpan duit sendiri untuk sampai ke sana. Dia, Maha Mengetahui.

Yang aku tahu, setiap kali menonton siaran langsung solat tarawikh dari Tanah Suci itu, aku jadi sayu :(

Dan kepada yang membaca, semoga satu hari nanti kita dijemput jadi tetamu Dia. Aamiin. :) :) :)

Memories of Ramadhan ^_^

Since the first day of Ramadhan, the memories came back just like a screenplay, one after another. Ramadhan for me, has always been so special, and will always be.

1986-1992
Ramadhan meant new baju kurung, new shoes, everything new, and bunga api. I never played mercun, well, didikan dari kecik but not turun temurun since I think my dad used to play meriam buluh during his childhood :) even when I played bunga api once I burnt my hand :P

1993
I remembered the first time I tried to puasa, and I did complete the first day of Ramadhan, but sangat longlai. I remembered following Ayah and Mama to Bazar Ramadhan at Flat PKNS Jalan Kuching, sleeping at the back all the way home. And the rest of the days, tergoda dengan air sirap rakan-rakan sekelas. HAHAHAHA

1994
I improved by completing more days than the year before. But still, tergoda dengan air sarsi rakan sekelas dan biskut jejari yang ada gula tu. Ayah and Mama tried to make me fast, by using best friend's rivalry, since my best friend, Nadiah puasa penuh that year!

1995
I was a prefect at school that year. So konon nak tunjuk teladan yang baik. Well not really because of that. Besides the best friend's rivalry, Ayah and Mama succeed to 'rasuah' me with ice-cream 7 Eleven, which had been my favourite (and not long after that they stop producing the tasty soft ice-cream T__T). Well it worked. This was the year I started to puasa penuh, and following Ayah and Mama to the mosque for solat terawih. But at the mosque, biase lah. Typical budak-budak at that time, bile jumpe geng, telekung dah ke mane. Plus, the mosque was just steps away from 7 Eleven :D

1996-1998
Nothing much I could remember of Ramadhan in these years, except that I did puasa penuh, without any 'rasuah' :P :P

1999-2001
During these first 3 years in boarding school, I got lucky because Ramadhan was during school holidays :) 2000 was the year I remembered most. Alhamdulillah, last minute confirmation of flight tickets to Jeddah, I got the chance to experience Ramadhan in Makkah and Madinah :) A lot of things I would love to share it here, maybe in another post :) And I really miss those moments, badly :(

2002-2003
2002 was the first time I had to fast at school. OK for only few days, but that's enough to make me cry when I heard the Pengumuman Puasa. Konon first time puasa di perantauan :P :P :P But then it was a blissful Ramadhan, when I had too many butterflies in the stomach :D :D :D too personal to share it here I guess :) 2003, SPM during Ramadhan. I was too lazy to go down to the Dewan Makan, so I just had milk and cereals for sahur. This was also the time we walked to so-called Bazar Ramadhan Kampung Labu, kinda frustating with the food selection but we all did enjoyed being together. Another one event was during weekends, when we asked our moms to cook and bring it to us, and gathered all the foods for buka puasa. Dorm HASA SPM 2003, I missed that moment a lot! :) :) :)

2004
This time I was in matriculation. Nothing much I remembered, those days in matriculation weren't much in my memories. Maybe I did not let myself to do so.

2005-2007
These were during my Bachelor's degree years. Sahur at McD Equine Park with my room mates, and juniors (which some people found out and made controversy out of it WTFun?). Other than that, not much I could remember.

2008- till present
Master's degree years. Not much events. Except for exploring the Bazar Ramadhan everyday! Sometimes Serdang, sometimes Bangi, and then Putrajaya. But I really miss the PKNS Jalan Kuching's! Maybe today :) I think last year was one of the best Ramadhan, when I got to gather with old friends from school :) we did have a good time together, even sahur together :D Even last night I spent few hours with my best friends from school, from the Curve to Murni SS2, a lot of things being talked about, shared and laughters! :D

So Ramadhan has been so special to me, and will always be InsyaAllah :D May you'll have a blissful Ramadhan too! ",

Dear Ramadhan, you mean a lot to me ",

Hello people :)

Hello people :)

SO I've been in silence in July. Playing around with deadly deadlines I've set for myself, and as usual, nearly got killed by the combo of gastritis and migrains I supposed. Despite of that, I'm a bit relief, that I have settled the first draft of my journal paper and three chapters of Master's thesis. Some might say, ala baru first draft! but lantak lah korang, at least I belong to the group of people who knows how to reward ourselves :)

So many things I'd like to talk about, to share it here with you, people I know well, and maybe some I never met, or never knew before. Too many issues popped up in mind lately - eg. negative thinker, appreciation and ego, being supportive, looking at things differently, bad driving habit, and mostly, I thought about civilization.

A lot of issues came across my mind, especially while driving.

1. I wonder why some men just couldn't show a li'l respect to lady drivers on the road. And I just hate it when a car in front drives slowly or carelessly some men would say " That must be a lady driver!" Owh come on, what if it's your wife, your mom or your sister? Would you say the same thing? Please, GENTLEMAN, if you read this, please avoid yourself from being a chauvinist. Women hate that :)

2. Some people just love to cut queues, no matter where. On the road or at the counter. Macam kau sorang je nak cepat! This is happening EVERYWHERE, in Malaysia. Not all Malaysians of course, but still not enough to be the majorities. If the majorities are this civilized, you won't have to worry about BAD traffic jams, or waiting too long to be served at the counter :)

3. Our people, (I don't really know about others) have thousand words to express anger or complaints. And some did express it very well with dirty words, OUT LOUD. Well, that doesn't bother me much, what matters to me most is that these people tend to be very shy to say a simple Thank You, or is it because Thank You never existed in their vocab? Owh come on, orang kita pernah dikenali dengan sikap sopan-santun, setakat cakap Terima Kasih, bukan kene bayar pun!

P/S: Since I love to observe a lot, I do like to talk about it whenever I think of something. But I'm so unfortunate to have a mate that prefers to talk about other people's ideas and success rather than hearing my own ideas that sometimes can be dumb, sometimes bright :P, so I guess this is the only way I could share my thoughts, BORDERLESS thoughts! :) Thank you for visiting :D