WORD your MIND vs MIND your WORD

A song. The song.

2012-02-15T17:58:00.001+08:00

I was browsing through this guy's youtube videos, when I realized I have hit the replay button like nearly five times now. His voice is undeniably amazing, but there's something more about this song that made me feel connected. Yeah, typical me. And yeah, this song reminds me of 'The Favourite Person'. Again . *sigh*

I don't wanna tell you that, sometimes I think of you.. and smile ;)
- I'm Falling For You by Chester See.

Dear Favourite Person ;)

2012-02-15T06:21:00.000+08:00

Dear favourite person ;)

Without you noticing..
Your presence has been inspiring.

Without you knowing..
Your smile has kept me moving.

You might not notice, you might not know,
To myself I've promised, I'll try to keep things low.

It's not time to tell the world,
Not time to show them all.
How you captured my sight,
How you did it right.

But I couldn't stop myself from expressing
wouldn't dare to hide this feeling
shouldn't stop myself from believing
That one fine day, the world will know everything ;)

As for now my dear,
I really miss how we were.
How you became my favourite,remember?
The moments we always find each other :D

No matter what had changed your mind,
No matter what had made you realized,
No matter what had distant us,
I believe, behind it all there's a reason.

One fine day dear favourite person,
I hope you'll tell me bout it,
About everything I've been missing bout you,
All these while, all these while.

Dear favourite person,
I do like you a lot ;)
And you should feel it by heart...
That You're the only favourite person I have in mind. In the heart. And in Life ;)

Till we meet again. XOXO :)

How Odd is Odd?

2012-01-18T23:26:00.000+08:00

How odd is odd?

Last night I fell asleep unprepared, didn’t brush my teeth, and didn’t wash my face, but remained asleep for like 6 hours.

Odd.

I woke up at 6.45 a.m. for my Subuh prayer.

Not that odd. :P

After prayer, I took out a plastic bag from the drawer. Inside it was an Al-Quran, a gift from a friend, bought from Makkah… have not touched it since I moved back home. Last I opened it was during Ramadhan last year. Owh God, it’s been quite some time yeah? Screw me.

And I began to recite a page (at least).

Definitely odd.

As usual, I got back on my comfy bed, and fell asleep again. When I woke up, I remembered, I had this one flash of image, and not sure if the image was my imagination or a dream. Seriously, I couldn’t distinguish between the two.

Odd.

More odd? The image.

It was a visual of me, on my wedding day, posing for our official photographer. My ‘husband’ was standing behind me, his hands were around my waist, we were wearing some light colour traditional Malay wedding costumes, and yeah, I was looking at his face, and we were smiling to each other. Looking at his face within few cm distance, how can I not notice exactly who he is? You tell me.

I’m not telling who he is. No no no. Not telling.

It’s very odd indeed. Whatever happened this morning was very odd to me. Was it a dream? Or some sign? No, I didn't do any Istikharah lately. Except, I always pray that my other half would be safe and succeed in everything he is pursuing, so that when we finally found each other later, we’re prepared :P

So between a sign, or just a dream, I would rather take it as a dream. It has been said that our subconscious mind is the source of our dreams, so it might be that the person occurring in my dream is just a coincidence, as he is someone I know, and I meet regularly. Hah hah hah!

Not telling not telling not telling, and don’t ask. NOT TELLING! :D

Perhaps? ;)

2012-01-10T04:19:00.000+08:00

I'm going far,

Stay where you are.

But if you insist,

I can't resist.

Follow me fly,

Up high in the sky.

This is what I fear the most. The feeling of leaving everything behind, while making my dreams come true.

I am now officially a Master's holder. It means I must now, seriously have to put all my efforts, in order to achieve my goals, to study overseas, and to get a PhD before 30. Crazy? Nah. Other people can do it, why can't I? So I am currently browsing through University courses in Britain Top Universities. Don't ask me why UK, it's been a dream. Been in London once, at the age of 6, and yes, since then, I always look forward to come back to London, again ;)

As much as I'm excited about the whole thing, there's this feeling inside that I couldn't get rid off. Yeah, it's killing me. Killing me badly.

The moment I waived goodbye to my loved ones, would be the hardest moment I expected. I would be missing their smiles, their giggles, their laughters, their jokes, their tears, their happiness, and the warmth of their love. Gosh. Even imagining this is hard, being at the actual moment might be deadly.

And what if ... what if.. I met You already?

Would You beg me not to go?

Or would You fake your smile and cry inside?

Or would You promise me it'll be fine?

Or would You not turn up on the very last day on the very last goodbye?

If only You knew, how hard it is for me to hold this feeling, even before I met You.

As much as I hope I wouldn't meet You anytime sooner, I couldn't deny the fact that love is so mysterious, it can come and touches my heart anytime, in anyway, at any place, with anyone...

For I can only pray, and hope... for the best. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I believe. I hope You too ;)

Sometimes I wonder, this journey, would it take me to where You are, or farther from You?

No one has the answer. If farther will make me stronger, I think I can survive a year or two. Perhaps? :P

Time to sleep. And dream of London. with You ;) Good night world :)

Dear You :)

2012-01-04T14:18:00.000+08:00

A Prince Charming, sometimes I want.

A handsome rich guy, sometimes I want.

A Superhero, sometimes I want.

A guardian angel, sometimes I want.

but no matter what I'm searching for,

most of the times, I just need You ;)

Dear Mr. Other Half,

wherever you are,

whatever you're doing,

please be safe,

please take care.

Can't wait to see You.

as much as to know You.

and as much as to say... 'I do' ;)

and If you're already here to stay,

do let me know, for I'll just say,

all along I believed I would find You

Time has brought your Heart to Me

I have loved You for a thousand years

I'd love You for a thousand more ^_^

Christina Perri - A Thousand Years

P/S: Happy 2012 all! The best is yet to come, in Life, and in Love, perhaps? :P

The Jengers :)

2011-12-26T02:54:00.001+08:00

They called themselves The Jengers.

My childhood friends, my hometown sweethearts.

They made me happy, when skies are grey.

They welcomed me in any way.

And yes, they are the reason, I smiled my days ;)

And I thank You God, for this gift of Life.

Psstt... Hey Jengers, You rock my world! ;)

The Roller Coaster Year - 2011

2011-12-26T02:19:00.000+08:00

Hey all! It's been a while I know. Being pretty occupied with Twitter, that distracted me to write longer than 140 characters. HEHE :P

So today I promised myself to at least, have one last post for 2011. A lot of things I'd like to share here, but it's kinda confusing where to start.

2011 has been a roller coaster year for me. Ups and downs. Tasted the air on the top, and then being smashed hard to the ground. Happiness, love, sadness, sorrow, loneliness, joy and cheers, all made up my 2011.

After the long years of hardship and hardworks, tears and joy, I finally finished my Master of Science in Microbiology, Senate approval in November 2011. Alhamdulillah, it was indeed, another achievement of Life ;)

I may not have said this directly, but I dedicated my Master's degree to everyone that has been supporting me all these while. Not to forget those who had been my inspirations, from day 1 I knew the meaning of failure and hardships.

Master's degree is not something that I can be proud of till the end of Life, it is just a platform of ideas, in order for me to further my journey of knowledge ;) Another goal has been achieved, a lot more waiting in front. This journey has its own purpose, and yes, it'll never stop. Till I die. Till I die.

Learning is not easy. But it depends on how we view it. Sometimes, the bitter it gets, the stronger we bite back. We can always fail, but we must always learn. It's not easy to deal with failure, but it's a lot more harder to fall at the same spot twice. So, when we failed, no matter how hard we fell, just stand up, bounce back, fly higher. That's it. The only way you can revenge to Failure ;)

2012 is approaching. And I bet, it'll be as fast as 2011. Time's running, no, it's sprinting! I might not have much time to blog, it's a serious business in 2012. I have to get myself on track, towards the goal, another goal, and a lot of goals! :) So wish me luck guys, the luckiest luck in the universe perhaps? ;)

2011 has also been a rough year for me. Dealing with many kinds of stress, eg. breaking up, being ignored, being pressured, and wutsoever. But in the end of the day, I knew it made me stronger, and wiser. I have the power to choose, either happiness or the other way round. Being ignored was the most painful, yeah, you might notice that in my previous entries, it did ripped my heart. It did. But again, like I said, I have the choice. So why choose to not be happy? Why bother of the closed doors when many other doors are wide opened? And yes, why bother not being loved by someone that doesn't deserve to be loved? It's hard. Yes it's hard. But Life goes on, and it doesn't wait. Look forward and chase our dreams, for love, will come softly, along the way. I believe ;)

No matter how hard it hurts me back then, towards the end of this 2011, I am one proud kid, when Mom and Dad told me "You made us very proud of you" T____T and that, is indeed -- Total happiness of 2011 ;)

A Love Story ^_^

2011-11-03T16:55:00.001+08:00

I was busy unpacking all the stuffs I brought back from my 6-years-shelter, when I found a bag full of our memories. The so-called First love huh? Well it was, indeed.

A London keychain, a keychain with my name on it, a watch which he gave me on my 17th birthday, a birthday card, our 1-year anniversary card..... and ............

It was with him that I started to learn how to express myself, which I found I was best at expressing through words. I used to write poems, about me, about him, about everything. He encouraged me to be someone I never thought I could be, to do things I didn't think I was good at, and to achieve higher and fly as freely as I want.

I was glad, felt grateful that he found me, and I found him. We found each other, and then we lost each other. Life goes on. We moved on, to a very different path, that I think would never meet again, at any point of our lives. But I believed in one thing, God sent me him for a reason, even when he's gone, he would always be right here, with me :) It's not because I still love him. No. It's just simply because he has been an inspiration to me :) He showed me the world in different view, and he looked at me differently, like no one else did. He was.. an angel to me :)

After he left, which was long ago, I used to write to him. Well actually I used to write poems for him, or just letters, or even drawings. Anything, anything I would like to express, as if he'd be reading them. Despite the fact that I would never mail the letters etc., I still keep them till now, even sometimes I just spent my time reading all those stuffs I wrote for him.

I almost forgot about those stuffs I wrote, until the moment I read it just now. Reading those stuffs, made me smiled. I am impressed with my own self, for writing those expressions, those letters, not because of the vocab or the bombastic words I used, it's just simply, because.. those expressions I wrote to him. remind me. of how I could love somebody. beautifully. so deeply. ....

And I wonder why, I can only write love poems, a happy one, only when, I think about him. Maybe. because. the fact that he made me feel so special back then ... like a Lady :) like a Princess :) like a Queen :)

I took a risk by writing this post. You might think I'm still in love with this so-called First Love, but just don't get me wrong. Like I mentioned earlier, I don't think our paths will eventually meet someday, and I accept the fact that we have our own lives now, and we can be happy without each other :)

I wrote this, not for him. But for me, to express things, the way I love. The way I want. But if he ever reads this,

Thank You.. for letting me go, and see the world on my own *winks* Whether you like it or not, you'll always be my inspiration .. sorry! ^_^

and that's the end... of my neverending story.. bout you ;) ^_^

English and Science and Mathematics

2011-09-26T17:47:00.000+08:00

Introducing English language to kids is one thing. And introducing Sc and Math in English is another thing. They are not the same and will never be the same. Why?

Because among the comments I got from my thesis examiners was "Too wordy, re-write in more scientific way". I believe, early exposure to Sc and Math in English is indeed, a good initiative.

A very good one. Unless... Sc and Math are taught in only one language, be it Malay or English, from the earliest education (kindergartens, primary school) until the higher levels in universities.

No matter how the education system works now, if we couldn't change all of it, we can change ourselves and people around us, at least.

May someday, there'll be a number of great Muslim scientists, from our nation, with Young and Fresh Ideas ;)

I believe, one day. You should believe it too ;)

Satu hari nanti ...

2011-09-13T19:10:00.001+08:00

Sana-sini kawan-kawan bertunang, kahwin, dapat baby. Tak kurang jugak yang dah ada calon suami calon isteri. Bahagia ;)

Ya mungkin aku tak bahagia macam mereka. Mungkin Tuhan simpankan dulu kebahagiaan aku tu sebab kebahagiaan aku sekarang bukan pada cinta, tapi pada cita-cita... mungkin. mungkin.

Satu hari nanti, aku akan sambung belajar kat luar negara. Ya aku tak pasti tentang apa-apa pun lagi, yang aku percaya, aku akan pergi jugak dari sini. Aku harus pergi. Cabar diri sendiri. Keluar dari zon selesa. Belajar berdikari. Jadi manusia yang lebih baik InsyaAllah :)

Satu hari nanti, bila lulus saja PhD, aku akan menangis. Seperti mana aku mengalirkan air mata bulan lepas, bila aku lulus Master. Sebak terharu bersyukur. Tambah lagi bila bercakap dengan Mak dan Ayah, yang selalu jadi inspirasi aku, yang selalu beri restu, yang aku yakin kejayaan aku adalah berkat usaha aku dan doa mereka yang tak pernah putus.

Satu hari nanti, aku akan bekerja. Aku yakin aku akan jadi pendidik. Mendidik anak bangsa. Dan dari mereka juga aku pasti akan belajar sesuatu yang baru setiap hari, tentang kehidupan, tentang apa saja. Selagi nyawa dikandung badan, aku berikrar, takkan pernah berhenti belajar :)

Satu hari nanti, aku akan berkahwin. Dengan lelaki yang aku cintai. Mesti seronok kan, jadi isteri, jadi ibu ;) Mesti nervous gila masa nak bernikah, dan seronok gila bila dah pregnant, shopping baju maternity, shopping barang baby dengan suami. Bergaduhmanja dengan suami nak baby boy dulu ke baby girl. Fikir nama anak. OK dah boleh berhenti berangan :)

Satu hari nanti, satu hari nanti. Tapi semuanya kemungkinan. Memang aku pasti memang aku yakin. Tapi semuanya atas keizinan-Nya. Semoga aku tabah, semoga aku tak lalai dan lupa, semoga satu hari nanti, aku akan kecap bahagia, dari keduanya, CITA-CITA ... dan CINTA :)

Satu masa dulu...

Just me. Only me.

2011-09-12T23:15:00.000+08:00

WARNING: THIS POST MIGHT BE PERSONAL. BUT IT IS AGAIN, ANOTHER EXPRESSION. FEEL FREE NOT TO READ, I WARNED YOU ALREADY :P

Long distance, or short, communication is the key to a relationship.

I've been in some, and I believe an effective communication leads to a successful relationship.

But I still failed. Not that I want to, I have to... it always has to work both ways. and if we are the only one who's trying so hard, why bother making effort if we know it won't work?

But Life is a learning process huh? At least, I learnt something from it.

From you.

Thank You.

Musical Monday

2011-09-05T18:03:00.000+08:00

To whom it may concern :(

Him. In memory.

2011-07-31T17:37:00.000+08:00

He was close to our hearts, eventhough I know some hated him.

We shared a few conversations back then,when he told me not to worry about those things and he would try to settle things down.

He assured me that I'd be OK, he even searched for the culprit, class by class when I was the victim.

I kept on going coz I knew he was on my side, back then in 2003.

It has never been a year passing by that I forgot him in my prayers.

Yesterday, I lost him.We've all lost him.

But my prayers for him, will continue, always.

Cikgu Ruslan bin Bustani, if it was not because of you, I would be thinking of quitting school as the best option. It was too depressing for me to face the misery, I got tortured for things I didn't do and nobody even cared to explain to me why was that happening to me. It was you, one of the reason, one of my strength to keep on going, facing the dirty words everyday, as though I was not welcomed there anymore. People might think that as a small matter, but they forgot, that sometimes small things to them might be a big thing to others. You were a great person, nice inside out. That explains why I never removed your number from my cellphone, I just don't care if it's no longer active, good memories should never be erased ;)

In the next 10 days, I will be having my VIVA, the final stage of my Master's degree. And yes, I am dedicating this Master's degree to you too, for I would never have been here, if it's not because of you back then. Thank You Cikgu :)

May you'll rest in peace, and that Jannah awaits you. Al-fatihah.

...

2011-07-15T13:28:00.000+08:00

Come hundreds of Death Eater I don't care
Come seas of black scorpions I just dare
But only if you would stay
Then I'd be okay.

But you insist to go.
I let you go.
And learn to let go.

Malaysia Boleh ;)

2011-07-14T12:53:00.000+08:00

Semua orang pun dah tau Skuad Harimau Malaya kalah dengan Arsenal. ala baru 4-0, bukan 8-0. Arsenal kot?

Cuma aku rasa kurang senang dengan tajuk berita dekat satu akhbar ni la, "Harimau Parah". Parah ke? Kalau nak dikirakan kalah 4-0 di tempat lawan tu kire OK la tu. tak, memang di tempat lawan lah aku tak silap taip, sebab rata-rata kipas susah mati Arsenal pun cakap mereka mahu ke Emirates Stadium semalam. Aku faham perasaan mereka. Ala, lebih kurang macam aku jugak kalau pergi tengok F1, aku pakai baju Ferrari jugak, padahal Team Lotus Racing tu kelahiran Malaysia, paling tak pun patut aku sapot Petronas Mercedes GP kan, tapi sebab kecintaan terlampau aku dekat Ferrari, aku abaikan semua tu. Tapi, dalam F1 aku rase supporters among spectators tak memberi kesan sangat dekat emosi drivers, aku rase rase je lah! HEHE. yelah, bukan dorang boleh dengar pun kitorang sorak ape, and tak sorak pon sbenanye, cuma melambai-lambai atau bagi standing ovation je lah (itupun drivers tu tak ade mase nak tgk pun) HAHAHA.

Entri ni bukan nak menghentam sesiapa atas kekalahan Skuad KebangGAAN kita, cuma aku terkilan sikit je la bile bace headline sukan dekat paper hari ni. Tu je. Wartawan sukan ni pun, suntik lah kata-kata semangat dekat skuad sendiri. Tak payah nak melambungkan sangat pujian dekat orang luar yang satu dunia tahu kehebatan mereka. We are Malaysians, We Support Our Own People, Okay?

Dan dalam akhbar yang same, aku suka gile gambar ni. SUKE SANGAT.

Yang pakai jersi Malaysia dekat 'Emirates' smalam ni siapa? Bukan orang kita. Tapi, Americans. Seriously. (kecuali yang duduk, kanan sekali, yang itu aku tak pasti :P)

Entri ni tak bermaksud nak offend supporters Arsenal. Tak same sekali. Sebab kalau FC Barcelona datang Malaysia pun aku fikir 347 kali jugak nak pakai jersi ape, nak support mane. Sebab aku rase Stadium tu pun bertukar jadi Nou Camp jugak nanti. Tapi, aku rase, end up aku akan pakai mcm brader dalam gamba kat bawah ni.

cume aku tukar sikit tulisan kat kadbod merah tu jadik "Messi is my love" HIKHIKHIK. Ke patut tulis "Messi Marry Me?" *OK saye gedik.sekian* :P :P :P

Apepun, lepas ni Liverpool & Chelsea pulak. Anfield ke, Stamford Bridge ke, aku OK je. Cuma aku harap wartawan sukan tulis la artikel membina sikit okay. Jangan lah nak hentam sangat Safee Sali, Safiq Rahim, Muslim Ahmad dan Khairul Fahmi dan Harimau-harimau kesayangan saye tu ye HEE *gedik lagi boleh tak? Aummmm :P*

Malaysia Boleh! ;)

*Sumber gambar: Berita Harian 14 Julai 2011.

Without A Title ;)

2011-07-13T13:44:00.000+08:00

When I gave myself a muhasabah yesterday, I came to a conclusion that I have changed a li'l bit in expressing myself, not in a good way.

So from now on, I should try not to express angers directly, sometimes using harsh words that definitely will lead to misunderstandings. I should expect less from others, and in return who knows I'll get more.

In life, I believe in mutualisms. We live to benefit each other. So I just hope that everything I do, I will satisfy myself by getting what I want, and at the same time, give others what they need ;) no harm done, no heart broken, no injury no nothing bad at all. Just some win-win situations.

I felt uneasy when my statements were misunderstood by some people, that they didn't get what I meant. I was just trying to voice out what I felt, and in the end, they opposed me by saying harsh things that made me felt offended. Moreover, I felt sad. Just because of our differences in political views, our friendship is at risk. Just because we're not on the same boat, you offended me as though I don't deserve to say whatever I have in mind. If I have to choose between politics or friendship, I'll choose You ;)

But now, I'm a li'l bit at ease. Looking at the bright side, I'm very thankful to God. I have achieved some goals in life (and hunting some more), and I love my country. Whoever rules it, I believe there's always pros and cons. Whoever rules it, depends on who we vote. So I would love to be a good citizen, and I'm glad that my vote will be counted. And no matter whoever rules it, I will always come back here, no matter what, cause Malaysia, is where I belong to. No other place feels like Home, no other place feels like Malaysia ;) Malaysia, be strong. We can make it through together, and I love you :D

Respect each other, may we'll have a wonderful life ;)

Chill yaw! Roger and Out! :)

P/S: My full support goes to our Malaysian Football Team tonight! Eventho Arsenal's Van Persie looks tempting (jangan fikir bukan-bukan plisss HAHA), I still go for Safee Sali, Safiq Rahim, Muslim Ahmad and the rest of the team ;) Go Harimau Malaya! Don't Go Gunners! :P :P :P I don't expect our team to win, but just play intelligently.. and beautifully :) Win or lose, You'll still be my Heroes :)

nasib aku tak pegi stadium. kalau tak, mau aku jerit "Muslim Ahmad awak cute!" (walaupun die mungkin duduk kat tepi padang je HEHE)

Visualize Our Dreams

2011-07-12T13:06:00.007+08:00

I have this one story, a simple story of mine. When I was in Standard One, I got the 20th place during the mid-year exam. Then Dad asked me to write these on a paper:

Peperiksaan Akhir Tahun

Saya akan mendapat:

BM 100%

BI 100%

M3 98%

SAYA BOLEH!

I made a few copy and sticked em to the wall around the house (which Mom was a li'l bit unhappy seeing her walls being damaged by the double-sided tape HAHA). Seeing it everyday, reading it everyday, without any expectations or pressures on me. What I knew, on the day the result came out, I got the 1st place in my class. And that, was an effective method which I believed had helped me excel during my primary education. It was only when I grew up, and read some motivational books that I understand how it works. The Power of Dreams, and ways to realizing them ;)

It's always good to have dreams, visualize them, and make em come true!

The visual of my dreams. Messi and Massi ;) Over sangaattt uolssss! HAHAHA

Hunt your dreams. And believe. Happy Hunting, People ^_^

P/S: A Learning a Day: On Keeping and Visualizing Dreams Worth reading ;)

Shining Heart

2011-07-11T18:40:00.003+08:00

when the Heart is not at ease,
what more can I do, can you tell me please?

the road is long, far and torn,
the bitter Heart just won't be strong.
just when I imagine it were all gone,
that's when the Heart felt totally wrong.

look up look around,
put a smile and leave the ground.
fly as high as far as fast,
may I'll find the peace at last.

as for the Heart I've left behind,
just maybe, happiness is not mine.
or maybe there'll be someone kind,
that keeps the Heart, and let it shine.

And when I'm prepared for it,
I just knew it, ready for it.
That's when the Sunshine comes,
With the shining Heart, in His Arms.

Stronger, but later.

10 Things You Didn't Know About Me - Part 2

2011-07-11T18:16:00.002+08:00

Number 1.
I don't know how to swim.

Number 2.
I love beaches a lot.

Number 3.
One of my childhood crushes was Prince William.

Number 4.
I don't eat Sushi.

Number 5.
Up till now, I only use Nokia phones.

Number 6.
I have been maintaining the same cellphone number since 2002.

Number 7.
I secretly wanna learn to play guitar, I wanna be a singer songwriter. OK I berangan nak jadi Avril Lavigne HAHA :P

Number 8.
I love to capture beautiful pictures, wonderful moments and heartmelting smiles.

Number 9.
If I'm not a scientist, I'd be a designer. graphic, interior, but definitely not fashion!

Number 10.
I love aeroplanes. Yes, sometimes I just waived my hands to the aeroplane whenever it passes above me ;)

Places I wanna go #3

2011-07-11T12:03:00.005+08:00

Circuit De Monaco, Monte Carlo, Monaco.

Since the first season I became a die-hard Formula One fan, Monaco GP has always been my favourite track.

The Monaco Formula One street race circuit ...

Street race in Monaco is more challenging to the drivers, as overtaking is almost impossible (without hitting the wall, or contact with other cars), and that the safety car will always have some good laps during the race :P Compared to the street circuit of Singapore GP, I prefer Monaco way better. The track is just so interesting to both the drivers and the spectators, that it sometimes made me stare at the TV screen, instead of watching HAHA. obsessed? No. Excited? YES :) Watch below!

Besides the exciting race and adrenaline rushes, Monaco is one beautiful place, a must visit! :)

Like in the previous post, while writing this entry, I pictured myself in Red Ferrari shirt, with Red Mubadala cap, ... at Monaco GP yaw! :)

When you have passion in this sport, only by listening to the roaring engines can really make your day! And dreams do come true. I believe that, I strongly believe that. And this, will be real someday. One fine day :) :) :) when these machines will again, take my heart awayyyyy ;) I looooooveee SUPERduper fast carsss!!

And as for today, I heart you Alonso ;) You did rock the Brit-ish land dontcha! Way to go Ferrari! :D

Places I wanna go #2

2011-07-09T21:32:00.006+08:00

Camp Nou, Barcelona, Spain.

The home of my favourite football team, FC Barcelona ",

This is the largest stadium in Europe, in terms of capacity.

Since I don't limit my dreams, I actually wanted to watch Leo Messi live on action during the game in Camp Nou. I know I know, it's quite costly, but hey, let me dreammm, at least ;)

I found this video, of the Camp Nou tour. According to the person, the tour costs around 15 to 20 Euros. *terus menabung* If I don't get to watch the match, a tour might be enough I hope so. I repeat .. MIGHT BE ;)

It was everytime I watch FCB match I would sometime got drowned in my imaginations that I'll be there someday, sooner or later it doesn't matter. But if I were to have a partner later on, I hope he'll read this and take me there HEH HEH HEH okay Masirah, stop dreaming and Start saving some money for Camp Nou, NOW! ;)

But if this dream ever comes true, OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG *speechless*

P/S: OK while writing this, I just imagined myself in Camp Nou watching my Leo Messi play and I shouted so very loudly with all my heart "LEEEOOOO MESSSSIIIIII I LOOOOOOOOVE YOOOUUUUUU" .. sekian. drama sangat ke? HEH. sorry :P

But yes. Leo Messi I love you. OK not only you, Valdes, Puyol, Villa, Pedro, Xavi, Iniesta, Maxwell, Bojan, Affellay, Busquets, Alves, Pique, Abidal, Keita, Mascherano, oh sape lagi aku tertinggal ni sori lahhhh yee. and not to forget Guardiola too ;)

eh Abang Messi jangan la pandang saye macam tu.. *pengsan* ^_^

Places I wanna go #1

2011-07-09T16:26:00.003+08:00

Ferrari World Abu Dhabi.

I love theme parks, and I love Ferrari.
I love Roller coasters, and I love velocity.

One day perhaps, I'll visit Abu Dhabi ;)

Why?

Acceleration: 0-240km/h in 4.9sec, 0-100km/h in 2sec

Maximum acceleration G-Force: 1.7Gs

Lowest elevation: 1.5m

Sharpest turn 70º

2.07 km track

It's Formula Rossa people! World's Fastest Roller Coaster! ;)

Watch my two Ferrari heroes riding in Formula Rossa below.

Looks fun isn't it! Gotta feel the adrenaline rush!

Someday perhaps, someday :)

10 Things You Didn't Know About Me ;)

2011-07-09T16:25:00.000+08:00

Number 1.
My lucky numbers are 1 and 3. any combinations of them are sweet. but 3, is the core.

Number 2.
I don't wear high heels.

Number 3.
I don't drive manual vehicle.

Number 4.
I dislike riding on motorcycle.

Number 5.
I bite my nails.

Number 6.
I love cheese and chocolate.

Number 7.
I am a Miss Go-to-bed.

Number 8.
I love babies and cute li'l kiddos.

Number 9.
I hate smoke.

Number 10.
I use my left hand to write, holding toothbrush and scissors.

O.o

2011-07-06T00:51:00.004+08:00

You.
are.
so.
UNBELIEVABLE.

Kept.
me.
waiting.
for.
hours.
then.
act.
like.
nothing.
ever.
happened.

I.
hate.
to.
wait.
who.
loves.
waiting.
anyway?

YES.
you.
are.
UNBELIEVABLE.
yet.
IRRESISTIBLE.

dang!

The Story of The Heart ;)

2011-07-05T00:04:00.002+08:00

OKAY. being single is hard. truly hard. maybe I'm not used to it, maybe I just don't know how. especially when I need to voice out what's in mind, and what's in heart, I just don't know who to talk to, or how? Pathetic, I'd say.

Being single is not that bad I know, and I'm planning to save my heart from the dangerous disease called Love. But this Heart just couldn't stay intact, it always wanna go somewhere. and that, IS a big problem!

The bigger matter is, I thought the Heart is safe with me, but then I realized it had gone to find another place, and that place, is sometimes cozy sometimes rainy. I always wanna take it back, but the Heart won't let me. The Heart says it wanna stay, at least for a day. I let it stay, a day to another.

Then there's another problem. When the place is not as comfort as it used to be, the Heart says enuff, that's it. So I take it back and make the Heart promise not to leave me again. We have to move on, it's the Rule of Life.

For only a day, or a week, then the place looks tempting again. The Heart asks me if it can go. I ask the Heart to stop, but if my Heart stops, what's left in me? I can't say No to my own Heart, No! So when the Heart finds the place Irresistible, what more can I say? As long as you're one happy Heart, no matter where you are, then I'll be happy too!

But right now, the Heart is not happy. Of course I can feel it, it's my own Heart, no matter where you are, you are my only Heart I have. I know the place is not as cozy as before, that it had changed more or less that you can't get used to it, but I promise you Heart, if it's getting worse, then I'll take you back home, right here in me, where you'll find peace, at least for some time, before you are bright enough, to find a better place to be in :)

I miss you tonight
I miss you hard

somewhere far
I know you are

Heart,
just be safe
just be strong

And to the Love,
may we'll meet someday.
under the deep blue sky,
when our heart meets they'd fly high
and tell the world, I've found my guy ;)

Written by the Heart

2011-06-29T20:24:00.003+08:00

I waited for nothing
That I thought was something
Some kind of illusion
Some sick hallucination

it has always been you.
and you.
and you.

I should not have let you in.

And now I'm living with the shadows,
sometimes it shed me,
sometimes it hide.

and when there's none,
I got lost.

Lost in life, is pathetic.
Lost in love, is tragic.

Love,
wherever you are,
just live well.
may we'll meet someday,
and with you, I shall stay.
Forever, if you may.

L-F-I

2011-06-23T22:17:00.003+08:00

korang tau ape tu LFI?

Lost Found Inquiry?

Lame Fussy Invisible?

Look For I?

HAHA. merepek. ok lah. tadi tibe-tibe terfikir satu istilah ni.. yang aku wujudkan sendiri dalam kehidupan aku.

LFI = Lelaki Fiksyen Idaman.

Baru-baru ni satu Malaya gempar dengan Seth Tan, yang perempuan dok jadi cecair (aku la tu) yang lelaki dok menyampah, buat bodo, ignorance is bliss. Tapi ade jugak lah kawan-kawan perempuan yang menidakkan kewujudan Seth tu kat aku, tapi dorang ni da kawen, so aku tak amik pusing sgt lah sbb mgkin dorang cakap melalui pengalaman kan.

Hari-hari aku berangan kalau satu hari nanti aku jumpe lelaki macam Seth. Tapi, otak kiri aku rasionalkan semua tu, ye, kalau ade pun 1 dalam sejuta. dan kalau ade pun, mcm lah aku dapat? kannnnnn......

So bila bercakap pasal Lelaki Fiksyen Idaman ni, maksud aku adalah watak dalam filem atau novel yang bikin hati cair. Kalau korang tanya aku, dalam kepala ade 3 nama je.

1. Kasyah Khairuddin - Lagenda Budak Setan.
Ini memang legend. Dari zaman sekolah memang berangan abis nak boyfriend mcm Kasyah. Punya lah sayang gile die dekat Ayu, sampai Ayu dah hilang ingatan pun die kawin jugak dengan Ayu. Tapi aku paling suka Kasyah mase zaman sekolah sampai zaman Uni. sweet gile, tak payah buat movie, aku baca novel je boleh jatuh hati dengan Kasyah :)

2. Adam - Adamaya The Series
Yang ini pun aku suke mungkin sebab hero die Sein. Lakonan die sebagai Adam superb sebab tu aku pernah keluarkan statement "Kalau Adam itu wujud, aku mahu jadi Maya". Punyelah mithali si Adam ni, bertanggungjawab, caring, romantic in his own way. Yang paling touching is Adam ni sabar tahap dewa okayyyy. Aku tak bleh la lelaki sabar-sabar sgt ni, bikin hati cairrr. Walaupun kahwin bukan atas dasar cinta, tapi kesabaran die jaga Maya tu buat pompuan terharu. mane nak jumpe lelaki sabar gile mcm tu weh? ce bitau! dah tu, siap dah plan future siap-siap if anything happen to him, Maya will get everything, so that Maya tak la susah nanti. OMG. zaman sekarang ni, lafaz cerai still on hold kat mahkamah, dah fikir nak tuntut harta sepencarian. jadi, watak Adam ni, kire fiksyeennn sangat!

3. Seth Tan - Nora Elena
Tak perlu aku cite panjang lah. Seth romantic gileeee. nak satu please! HAHA. Seth setia, niat die baik. memang die pernah buat silap besar, tapi die bertanggungjawab. susah kan nak jmp lelaki mcm tu skrg? kalo senang, tak de la orang nak buang baby merata. Seth ni sweet die lain macam lahh, pada aku, Aaron Aziz memang layak la jadi Seth tu, impak die maksima beb. the way how he treated Nora right from the start memang gentleman sangaaattt. So, Seth ni pun kite fiksyeennnn sangaattt!!!! Tak wujud tak wujud.

3 name ni, Kasyah, Adam & Seth, ade satu persamaan yang aku rasa boleh bikin hati cairrr. Simple but true, they adore the women they love.

enuff said. till we meet again :)

Yang ini pun fiksyen jugak LOL :P

Re-post : Can you lend me your heart just for a while?

2011-06-07T15:15:00.002+08:00

This is just a post I wrote in 2009. But I think it's worth sharing. Read by your heart, feel by your soul, and pray by your faith. Let's hope everyone's gonna be okay, and live happily ever after :)

Can you lend me your heart just for a while?

by Masirah Zain on Wednesday, 18 November 2009 at 13:33

I'm writing this not because I'm being emotional, but to share my thoughts, and express what I feel, as I always express everyTHING since I learnt the power of Expressing ",

As you all know, my dad just experienced the angioplasty in IJN. Angio-WHAT? Feel free to google it, or just ask the Doctors, or Doctors-to-be ", Before he was admitted to IJN, Ayah told me not to worry, the risk was only 1%. Yeah, DON'T WORRY. But as the most stubborn child, of course I AM WORRIED ENOUGH.

But where was I? At that particular time, the time he was admitted to IJN, I was in the lab, busy, too busy being a workaholic. All I did was praying everything would turn out fine.

But it didn't. It was that moment I felt something was wrong because I still couldn't get to talk to dad the day after the operation.

I went to IJN that evening. And I saw him in pain. Due to some complications, the operation took 3 hours, and too much of coloring dye made him sick, he resisted food, TOTALLY. I just got a few lines of conversation with dad before he went to sleep.

I was so very emotionally unstabled the moment I came back to UPM. Yes I cried, the mixed feeling of guilt and anxiety. I felt so liveless deep inside, as I imagined for all that happened, and remembered dad always said he thinks he would live only till 70, which is only 6 years from now. Honestly, I always never want to imagine such things. Because all I know is that I'm never prepared for it. You can say Ajal maut di tangan Tuhan, setiap manusia akan mati bla bla bla, but the fact is I just don't know how. I have tried, but I failed. Even losing the one I loved for a couple of years was a real pain, how can I define the feelings when it comes to those I have loved for my entire life?

And yet something has to be blamed for a reason. And yeah, eventhough it's a lifestyle disease, which is combination of something else, I still blame that damn cigar.

Hey remember the commercials Don’t Break My Heart? Yeah I heard people talking, smokers are immune to such things. It’s true indeed. Both. The immune part, and the breaking heart part.

The immune part: As years goes by, since I learnt that smoking behavior would give much harm than benefits to human, I always talked to dad about it. Days and night, whenever I saw dad with that damn cigar. Even me too was sensitive to the smoke, it made me feel sick couple of times. But in return, dad joked about it, something like “Ayah isap rokok da lame da, idup lagi ni..” OK Fine.

The breaking heart part: 3 years ago dad quit smoking, all because of the chest pain he encountered. I was the happiest human being on earth, finally God heard me. Last Puasa, I went to Medan Mara for shopping Raya with mom and dad. There was this one poster showing the lungs of a smoker and a non-smoker. Then dad said, “Oh, yang kanan tu (the smoker one) macam Ayah punye la eh”. His joke made me speechless. That moment, I WANNA CRY!!!

Dear friends, I’m not trying to tell you how much I hate cigars. There’s something I’d like to explain here.

When a girl partner expressed to her guy partner how she hated that damn cigars, by saying “BUSUK lah!” or “TAK BAIK UNTUK KESIHATAN lah!” etc., I think you should consider and think deeply.

This is a confession of a daughter of an ex-smoker, an ex-girlfriend of smokers, and a friend to a lot more smokers, A confession of mine..

Listen. When a girl expressed how she hated smokes in any ways, she was accused to be not understanding and trying to take control of a guy’s life. It wasn’t true at all.

What if I say that it all arise because she was too afraid to accept the fact that her partner for life would leave her alone one day? Waking up in the morning to see someone liveless beside her? Or never really sleeps to be the best guardian on earth, praying day and night miracle would happen so that they both can keep dreaming and make them come true, as always~ and to see the efforts paid off during the graduation days of their children?

And when she’s left alone, do you think she could survive? Survive when the one who promised to love and care for her, to be with her ups and downs, someone who used to be her greatest enemy that masters all her weaknesses and complete them with everything he has , left her with no goodbyes?

And what if she was afraid the smokes she breathes in since she met the one she loves with all her heart would kill her silently? And she has to leave him earlier and then he would be blaming himself until his last breath.

How would he feel if his sweetest daughter faked a smile just to make him happy while seeing him lying, wired on a hospital bed? Pretending everything would be fine, but the fact that the daughter knew there’s not much time left? No matter how she hoped for miracle to happen, the ‘effort’ has been done, and that was the ‘reward’. The daughter tried so hard to be the best, to impress him with her achievements, to tell him literally, that “all I have achieved all these years, were all because of YOU.” At least she could feel a bit relief, coz she didn’t spare a single cent on the hospital bills, because she thought the time can wait, at least until she got a good job and a good pay, like what dad always told her to seek for more. And rite now, she’s nearly sure, whatever happens, she must cherish every single opportunity she has, to spend with her dad. Owh God, I’m never prepared for it :(

So guys, I’m not begging anyone to quit smoking, or telling you how dangerous it is, all I hoped for is for you to understand, that when it comes to this smoking matter, or any matters that you love to do, but the fact that it would somehow harm you, girls are not being supportive not because they never try to understand, but sometimes they understood the consequences well than you do.

Last words, dad keep repeating this “It’s not worth it to feel such pain”…. Wassalam.

Love,
MasirahZain.

P/S: thank you all for your prayers and support. My dad has recovered, not totally but better enough to bring back a smile on his face. Everything’s fine now~ thank you God.

It is always clear that I always hate cigars, and the smoke. But now, living in this world, at this age, at this moment, it is real hard to avoid them. And now I've come to the fact that it's possible one day I might just let myself got invaded by smoking people around me, for the sake of love and friendship. And more tragical, if it happens to be my other half. It's hard, love... it's hard. You should know this *sigh*

Thank You.

2011-05-14T16:20:00.004+08:00

The late birthday gifts. Thank You.

A watch that resembles time. The shining stones (or is it diamonds? :P), are beauties. And a key chain, that flew far, from the land I'd been dreaming all these years.

So indirectly, these gifts remind me of the precious time left for my "Road to London 2012". The clock is ticking, and why I'm still waiting? *demotivated*

And again, Thank You :)

Japan and Me :)

2011-03-19T17:27:00.006+08:00

It has been a while.

Life crisis had made me left my stories untold. Luckily today I do have some moments to put some words here.

Life has been *not that good*. Well, when things just didn't worked as planned, we can say life's not easy huh. Yes, it wasn't that easy, as I couldn't do anything about it coz it involved other people's work, and how can I force them, if I'm only a student? I hate bureaucracy! Hate it so much! *sigh*

I wish I could be as hardworking as the Japanese. oh not just me, I hope those so-called 'government servants' too! So that no one have to waste no time and can do something else to move forward faster and get better and better and better.

Talking about the Japanese. I'm sure you've all had heard a lot about the disaster and how the people were helping their own people. It is amazing that with this kind of situation, they can really stay that calm, not asking others for help, as their own people know how to help the survivors.

They might have invaded our land long ago, and killed more or less our ancestors, but what they are today, resembles how hard they have worked and how much they have changed since that day. You might say that they don't need the money, but I assure you, they'll recover very soon. I mean, FAST.

and if I were to donate to them, it would be nothing related to humanity, it's just simply because I am impressed, and that I admire their civilized people.

Oh do you know Nina? She's one adorable li'l cutie half Japanese. Do watch her. She's amazingly one bright li'l kiddo. Watch her here:

and here

And not to forget, my Japanese childhood li'l hero, Doraemon is now in Putrajaya :)

I always enjoyed the Hot Air Balloon Fiesta in Putrajaya, which I have never missed since it was first held in 2009 :) Tomorrow's the last day, and I think, maybe, I wanna go and see Doraemon, and I'd tell him "Come again next year, and bring Naruto and Ultraman as well" :D :D :D

Last but not least, my condolences to those who have lost their loved ones and shelter during the big hit, and to those who survived, don't let the tragedy kill your future, and your dreams. Bounce back, I believe you will. Always, my prayers are with you, Japan :)

Kerana Ku Ada Kamu :)

2011-01-25T00:18:00.003+08:00

25 Januari 1999.
.
.
.
.
.
25 Januari 2011.

Maka genaplah hari ini, 12 tahun sejak hari pertama untuk lima tahun itu.

Lima tahun jatuh bangun bersama.
Lima tahun suka berselang duka.
Lima tahun penuh soalan.
Lima tahun beribu jawapan.

Indah kan perjalanan hidup kita. Bertemu dan berpisah, dan bertemu semula. Tak siapa sangka permulaan yang sempurna boleh jadi akhirnya tak diduga. Dan bila disangka haluan kita berbeza, Tuhan satukan perjalanan kita. Lalu kita bersua, berkongsi rasa, gembira, sedih, mengisi kekosongan jiwa, yang tak mungkin kita dapat rasa selama lima tahun itu.

Dan ada juga yang tak pernah terpisah pun sejak lima tahun itu. Berkongsi suka duka, mencipta memori bersama, selagi ada. Menikmati setiap saat yang ada tika bersama, merindui tika jauh tapi tak terpisah, kerana tempatnya di dalam hati selalu ada.

Lima tahun remaja. Ku lihat kamu, dan kamu lihat aku. Baik buruk kamu, baik buruk jugalah aku. Benci kamu pada aku, benci juga aku pada kamu. Suka aku pada kamu, suka juga kamu pada aku. Ah, itu cerita dulu.

Tolak lima tahun bersua wajah setiap hari, sudah 7 tahun kita tinggalkan daerah itu. Sudah 7 tahun kamu ke barat, dia ke timur, mereka ke selatan. 7 tahun membawa haluan kehidupan, aku bersyukur, masih lagi dapat melihat kamu. Sekali-sekala. Dan selalu juga (terima kasih Facebook ",).

Aku gembira, dan aku bangga. Kita semua akhirnya jadi ‘manusia’. Syukurku pada Tuhan, akhirnya kamu yang kecil comel waktu hari pertama lima tahun itu, kini sudah boleh senyum lebar. Kalau dulu kita sering mendongak ke langit melihat bintang, kini tidak lagi. Kerana kita sudah punya sayap untuk terbang, menikmati keindahan alam dari langit tinggi :D

Tahniah sahabat-sahabatku. Tahniah Uniteenzers. Atau dah tukar ke name? Not-so-Uniteenz? Ah tak kisah lah. Yang penting aku bangga dengan kita semua!

Happy 12th Anniversary Dear Uniteenzers!

Thank You for the WONDERFUL FRIENDSHIPS for these past 12 years :)

Saaaayang korang! *XOXO*

Keep your dreams alive buddies! Together, we can change the world to a better place :D Kerana ku ada kamu *winkwink*

P/S: Teringat waktu dapat tawaran dulu, SMAP LABU? Ape tu? :P

Music and Idol and Music

2011-01-23T21:11:00.004+08:00

For some people, music is restricted to only what allowed in his belief.

And for some others, music is just an entertainment.

But there are people, that define music as their lives. Being the only way out when hardness comes in.

I too, enjoyed music in my own way, and own definition. Everything that could be heard by the ears are melodies, be it a song, or a baby cry, or just simply your voice :) and when it triggers a smile in the heart, I'd consider it as a beautiful melody :D

Well enough about own definition. Now I'm talking about audition. Who? ME? Naah.

Never will I. Even if I have the guts to do so, I always think there's better ways I can impress people. Talent is not everything, it's the brain in you that matters.

So what's up with the audition? Well. Nothing much actually, but my favourite show is on air again. American Idol 10 :)

It's not only a reality singing show. Years before, I started to watch AI because it inspired me somehow. The hardship, the friendship, the family, and the people. Not all American are bad, but not all are polite :P

It's just that when you know you have that 'something', just believe in yourself and go get your dreams! Ooohh I just love the joy when the judges said "YES, you're going to Hollywoooooooood!!!!!". I want it too! I mean, going to Hollywood. Not Idol. HAHA.

So last week they showed the audition in New Orleans, and this week will be at Milwaukee. The place of Danny Gokey American Idol 8. Can't wait! Maybe I'd find my favourite Top 10 :P

OK. Dinner time. Yes, You're not going anywheeeeereeee! *sigh*

P/S: Drink a lot of plain water. The weather's killing my throat. Hope you're not affected too, people! :(

P/S 2: Below is a video of this young guy with amazing voice. I couldn't stop viewing his YouTube channel. HAHAHA. btw, a medic student he is. Owh suddenly I remembered my best buddy, a doc-soon-to-be-next-few-months also used to enjoy making music videos in YouTube, zaman remaja riang ria dulu kan? ^_^

Al-Fatihah

2011-01-23T19:20:00.003+08:00

It was about 4 am in the morning when I received the sms.

A dear friend of mine just lost his Momma this morning.

I heard a few times his Momma had been admitted to hospital, I think about the same time Ayah was warded too.

I felt sorry for him. With only a few months left to finish our Masters, surely his Momma could only see him with the graduation robe from far above.

I hope I am lucky enough, God I have a wish. I know it's too much, but I hope I can have Mama and Ayah sitting in the hall when I received my Master and PhD scrolls.

Dear God, but if you have better plans for us, please make me be strong. Coz by only imagining losing one of 'em I'd cry, I just don't know how to face it until it really happens.

Whatever it is, Al-Fatihah.

Ini Bukan Merepek. Tapi Niyang Rapik. Hamek kau.

2011-01-22T18:18:00.002+08:00

pejam. celik. pejam. celik.

dah nak dekat akhir bulan Januari. 2011 pulak tu.

sekejap aje lagi, dah hujung 2011. Entah ape aku buat mase tu, tak terbayang. Harapannya, tengah berjuang dengan buku, kutip ilmu selagi mampu.

Oh aku tulis entri ni saje-saje. Tak nak mengarut macam entri yang dah pun aku delete.

Terima kasih lah kepada yang layan aku mengarut. Dan memberi input-input bernas.

Kepada Encik Hansuke, komen anda yang panjang lebar dah pun saye save dalam laptop, pandangan ikhlas seorang insan dari sudut yang berlainan, thanx :)

Dan kepada entah siapa dari mana pun aku tak ingat, kalau merasa tak selesa dengan karutan aku, kau sendiri tahu pintu keluar blog ini. Tak payah lah nak tinggalkan komen bagi panas hati padahal kau yang bace aku punye entri. Kau boleh aje tak bace, kau ade pilihan. tapi ooopps. kau tersalah pilih! TEETTTTTTTT! lalu sakit hati, lalu menyakiti. Aku punye blog, aku tulis lah ape aku suke. Bukan ape yang kau suke. Lagipun, kau siape? Teeetttttt.

Aku buat blog ni pun suka-suka, tak harap pun orang datang melawat dan puji karya aku, dan segala apa aku nak karutkan. Lagipun, kebanyakan yang membaca pun, semuanya kenalan di luar alam siber, dunia sebenar. Yang kenal betapa cacatnya aku kalau mula mengarut, yang terima kurang lebihnya aku seadanya. Oh *sebak* HAHA. thanx korang! :)

P/S: secara tak langsung. Aku dah ter'emo'. Biase lah. Baru baik demam. Kepala pun weng. Apepun, senyum! :D

P/S 2: dalam entri mengarut yang aku dah delete tu, kan aku ade cite pasal kawan-kawan bakal doktor. semalam, kawan baek aku zaman kecik comel dulu dah ditauliahkan jadi Peguam. aihh so proud of her. tak pernah terbayang pun dia bakal jadi lawyer mase kitorang kecik comel dulu main kejar-kejar lompat getah masak-masak cikgu cikgi. Indah nya kehidupan yang Tuhan lukiskan untuk kite :) *ohh nak nangis terharu*

A Shopaholic. What?

2011-01-16T23:12:00.003+08:00

Have you ever watch the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic? I never bothered about it before, but watching the movie on TV last few weeks had hit me right on the nose. I am always denying myself when I thought I love to shop, and that I am very very poor in financial management. No, I am not a shopaholic. I only buy what I need, always. Right?

No. The answer is no. Which puts me in the yes category. But to a lesser extent. Far from being a chronic shopaholic. But I JUST LOVE SHOPPING! I love shopping malls, I love stores, I love flea markets, and now, I am starting to love online shopping! *sigh* Lucky me, it's not like I shop everyday. Once a month perhaps, or maybe twice, or .. whenever I saw the four letters S.A.L.E. :D

It's worrying me, but what can I do?

When I shop, the world gets better, and the world is better, but then it's not, and I need to do it again.

-Rebecca Bloomwood in Confessions of A Shopaholic.

You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better.

-Rebecca Bloomwood in Confessions of A Shopaholic.

A man will never love you or treat you as well as a store. If a man doesn't fit, you can't exchange him seven days later for a gorgeous cashmere sweater. And a store always smells good. A store can awaken a lust for things you never even knew you needed. And when your fingers first grasp those shiny, new bags... oh yes... oh yes.

-Rebecca Bloomwood in Confessions of A Shopaholic.

and these are some quotes that I think are SO TRUE!

Security can mean different things to different people. For some, it's going to a party wearing the right shoes. This might leave you feeling secure for an evening, but have a crippling effect on you in later life.

-Rebecca Bloomwood in Confessions of A Shopaholic.

Your store card is like a 50 percent-off cashmere coat. The first time you meet, it promises to be your best friend. Until you look closely and realize it's not real cashmere. Then, as winter comes, you discover that your coat isn't actually a friend at all. You should have read the fine print. Should look more closely what you're getting into.

-Rebecca Bloomwood in Confessions of A Shopaholic.

The ending of the story was sweet...

It is amazing what you have time to do when you're not shopping. And instead of a relationship with my credit card, I have a relationship with someone who loves me back. And never declines me.

-Rebecca Bloomwood in Confessions of A Shopaholic.

well I also mean her boyfriend. He was kinda sweet while proposing her this way ..

She's not my girlfriend. She's not you.

-Luke Brandon in Confessions of A Shopaholic.

Aaaarhh caer! *drooling*

P/S: At this time of writing, I just spent an amount of RM200 for the whole weekend. OMG. What did I just bought? o nevermind. The world is better, for now :D

This Room

2011-01-07T23:56:00.003+08:00

this room is my territory
it provides comfort and shelter
it shares love and feelings
it welcomes hope and friendship

this room is my territory
it is not big but large enough
it is not dark but calm enough
it is not bright but cheer enough

this room is my territory
you may come in but I warn you
it might be scary when the storm comes
it might be watery and then it floods
it might be warm and cold at the same time
and just don't get too comfort in it,
for it might never let you out.

this room is my territory
which I name it The Heart, right from the start.

:D

A Happy Ending

2010-12-30T22:26:00.010+08:00

2011's approaching, and yet I still have another story to share.

I may not look like a stadium type of girl, but I'm definitely an airport person.

Forgetting my not-so-good-but-better health condition, today I went to KLIA.

To. Welcome. Home. Our. Heroes. The. so-called. Harimau Malaya :D

I might not be the biggest fan of Malaysian football, but today, I'm just proud to say that they have mesmerized a lot of Malaysians, including Me :)

As if you didn't noticed my Facebook status, I wrote this last night :

if one day I have a son and he asked me what he should be, I'd answer him, "Son, be a Messi or a Casillas, but first, you have to play like Safee or Fahmi." :D No doubt, now everyone's talking about Malaysian football, proudly :D

I waited for 2 hours, standing. with a lot of observations done of course. No matter what colour you are, no matter how high you have achieved, no matter how much money you have, everyone were united by these young fellows, and even better, I shared a lot of words with dad, sharing the same sofa for a few nights watching their games, plus, celebrating the goals like we were at the stadium :P

So with this, I present you, an amateur video of mine :P

P/S: With not-too-much-effort and maybe luck, I still got the chance to be within 1m-radius from them :) and they looked much better in person, especially Muslim :P HIKHIK

What a happy ending for 2010 :D

#caught in the news! My picture welcoming Rajagobal :P
Read it here : Utusan Malaysia Online - Sukan

The Land of Ours~

2010-12-14T22:03:00.002+08:00

A collaboration of Sony Cybershot TX-1 and PhotoScape :)

Always my favourite spot to capture some sunset moments.

KLIA-Putrajaya via Dengkil. 12/12/2010. 6.48 PM.

The sky above the land where we planted our treasure - the oil palm :)

Subhanallah~

Reminder: This is not a Photography blog. :D

2010-11-23T11:45:00.004+08:00

Last weekend was quite a boring one, without Mom and Dad at home. Yes, they went for holiday, leaving a small portion of Aidiladha leftovers in the fridge. So my sister and I decided to go to our favourite place for dinner, The Curve.

After a long discussion with my sister (since there's a lot of restaurants and cafes to choose), we ended up in one of our favourite cafe, again.

Theobroma Chocolate Lounge.

A heaven for chocolate lovers (I dislike coffee :P)

and then I tried this one.

Waffle + Vanilla ice-cream + Strawberry + Chocolate = Delicious! :)

Yes. I did filled my stomach with a cup of white chocolate and a plate of waffle, but more importantly, I filled my heart too, with happiness and satisfaction.

Truly,
A Chocolate Lover :D

I-n-sanity

2010-11-21T01:02:00.003+08:00

Words written
Card sealed
But no address.

Insane. Writing, believing that it could be delivered.
The real fact was not as beautiful, as the words written.

Reality mistaken by fantasy
So tragic, it needs no sympathy
Believing is one thing
But effort is another
So why can't it just be delivered
with only a name that might have disappeared?

Words written
Card sealed
kept safe in the locker
with endless hope to deliver.

Endless hope that dies never.
Eternal love the best ever.

A Frustrating End Indeed.

2010-11-20T19:29:00.005+08:00

It has been a week now since the final race of Formula One 2010.

It has been a week since Vettel won the Driver's championship.

It has been a week I've been coping with Alonso's loss.

and still am. And I still want to put the blame on the strategic team. How could you! Alonso would have won the battle if he stayed a little longer on the track, gaining some extra distance from the bunch of slower cars. Damn. It was frustrating to watch the prancing horses that day. Both Massa and Alonso. Bad decisions made. And they lose it all. What a race. And that night, as expected, I encountered gastritis due to the stress. HAHA. something I could not control - Stress. Congrats! You've won yourself a bunch of acids in your stomach! T__T

Well. It is just another unlucky season for Ferrari. Hope they'll come out with a great and amazing machines next season. See ya in Sepang April 2011, Ferrari! :D

OK I'm still a big fan!

BSc. (Hons.) - Microbiology. What's that?

2010-11-13T23:33:00.004+08:00

I can still remember that morning. Without taking my bath, I went straight downstairs, opened the PC, connected to the Internet, and browsed the Ministry of Higher Education's website. Eyes half opened. Mom and dad sitting at the table having breakfast, just few meters away. It was a very bad adrenaline rush I had.

While waiting for the page to load, I clearly remembered the conversation between Ayah and me few days before.

Ayah: Where did you applied for degree?
Me: UPU. First choice, UPM. Biotechnology.
Ayah: What is Biotechnology?
Me: It's the application of biology in technology <--(did I get that one wrong? :P)
Ayah: (not convinced with my answer) So, what's your plan B?
Me: Plan B? Err.. I just apply for UPU Ayah. No plan B.
Ayah: (Shocked) You should have plan B. Don't waste your time.
Me: (Speechless).(Then, anxious). (Then, termenung sorang-sorang! Kalau x dpt UPU, mati!)

And then the page loaded, keyed in my IC number, and there you go!

Tahniah! Bla.. bla.. bla....

Bacelor Sains (Kepujian) Mikrobiologi.
Fakulti Bioteknologi & Sains Biomolekul.
Universiti Putra Malaysia, SERDANG.

Guess how I reacted? Jerit satu rumah beb! I hugged my mom with tears. Not because I'm too happy I don't have to have plan B, but simply because I was feeling down with my matriculation CGPA, honestly, it wasn't that good. Ask me if you dare :P It was magical that the course offered was never in my 8 choices. Alhamdulillah, was all I have in mind, and heart for the next few days. Unbelievable, but true :)

The next thing in mind was, What the heck is this microbiology? I knew what microorganism is, KUMAN! that can be seen under microscope. That's all! SERIOUSLY.

So I browsed through the internet, did some readings, and a little bit understood about MICROBIOLOGY.

I know I'm not fortunate enough to know any seniors taking this course, I even struggling to breathe during the earlier semesters. But I managed to breathe right, stood up and run, then fly high :D I'm no First class achiever in the end, but satisfied with two times Dean's list out of 6 semesters. That's rewarding enough for me :)

OK OK I'm not gonna brag about my achievements in this post. I just wanna share something that I could not find in any blogs five years ago. I dedicate this post to those young people, that's still searching for educational directions. I know those youngsters might not find or read this, but maybe someday I believe, someone will read this, may this post would make your visions more clear, about Microbiology :D

You can easily find the Microbiology definitions through google. I'm not going to list them here, you browse yourself. What I'd like to share here is my own definitions and perceptions of Microbiology.

During my first year as a Microbiology student, I failed to impress myself of my abilities to adapt with new things, I mean NEW FACTUAL THINGS. I couldn't understand what microbiology really means, and how it could affect our lives, and what kind of job opportunities would I have in future. I never get a clear picture of what this microbiology can do in the industry. I even thought of taking a double degree in Psychology once. LOL :) But I battled to the end. Throughout the journey, I met with a lot of interesting people, and saw the passion they have towards microbiology.

My turning point? Honestly, I could not remember what initiated the interest in me, but I really enjoyed laboratory practicals. I can still remember the first time I learnt how to streak bacteria, the outcomes were so ugly I would say. HAHA. those were the days :) And everytime we came into the lab, 4 important things to bring were lab coat, permanent marker, lighter and Good morning towel. We cleaned the workbench with dettol, sometimes alcohol. Light up the Bunsen burner to sterile the inoculating loops, and there were times when someone got burnt too! Luckily I don't remember who. :P

During the 4th semester, I applied for internship at Selayang Hospital. It wasn't included in my degree requirement, without any allowance I went for the internship for 6 weeks. That was when I found the answer. Medical microbiology was where my soul is. I love to study about human pathogens. Escherichia coli, the main culprit for diarrhea, Staphylococcus aureus and Streptococcus sp. that caused infections in throats and eyes, HIV, bacteremia, MRSA etc. bla bla bla .. I love working in the Pathology Lab, someone even asked me, "If you don't receive any allowance, and you don't need to make any reports, why did you come here? It's semester break, ok?". I smiled and said, " I just want to learn". I need to know where can I fit in the future, with this Microbiology thing.

The day I left Selayang Hospital, was the day I put Hospital Science Officer as an option. I just love the place. It reminds me of my childhood ambition, to be a doctor, then a paediatrician cause I love kids (even sometimes I act and talk like one :P)

Microbiology has also affected my personal life. I don't eat at dirty places, or when the workers seems not convincing, in terms of hygiene. I don't usually 'recycle' my outfit, once put on should be washed, unless necessary. Washing hands before eating is crucial, and whenever needed, hand sanitizer is applied. Very choosy in picking toilets. HAHA. I would rather pay RM 10 for a clean toilet WITH a water hose and tissues, than entering toilets where you can find 'greenery' and 'blackheads'. HAHAHAH.

Towards the end of my degree study, I had a better vision of job opportunities in Microbiology. Agriculture microbiology, where we can work with biopesticides or biocomposts. Medical microbiology, working with all sorts of human pathogens, including those deadly H1N1 virus. Pharmaceutical microbiology, working with medications involving microorganisms. Food microbiology, where you can work with probiotic organisms like Yakult, or any other foods, that involves the participation of microorganisms. And also Environmental microbiology, where you usually work with bioremediation. See, how microbiology can affect our lives? :D

And because of this passion I have for microbiology, I've worked with Food microbiology during my degree's final year project and currently at the last stage of MSc. Pesticide Toxicology in the making. Working with soil microorganisms, at least I've done my part of "Berbudi pada tanah". HEHEHE. I should been correcting my thesis draft now, but I can't resist the blogging mood that seldom comes these past few months :P

Now that I am in this field for five years now, I knew this is the best for me. Never would I want to come back to those times, when I eagerly wanted to be a doctor, or desperately needed the JPA scholarship to study overseas. In maybe five years from now, a PhD Dr. I would be InsyaAllah. Not that I've forgotten the joy to work in the hospital, deep in my heart, I sincerely want to share every knowledge I've learnt, and the passions I have towards Microbiology, with the next generation of another 'ME' that doesn't have any plan B's and hooked up with Microbiology :P

And right now, in my most humble state but with pride, I'd say, a Microbiologist, I am.

Thank You Allah :)

P/S: I have come to a stage now, when I feel this micro-creatures that He created, are unique and beautiful in their very own ways :) Well, typical microbiologist, huh? :P

Formula One, and Me :D

2010-11-12T19:18:00.003+08:00

The race has finally reached the final one in Abu Dhabi. Well, it's been a competitive season for the big fours - Ferrari, Red Bull, McLaren and Mercedes GP, which Red Bull scored highest in the constructor's championship. As I'm a big fan of Ferrari, it's a bit frustrating coz the Ferraris were so good at the opening of the season in Bahrain. I was expecting constant wins at Sepang, but sadly, they misjudge the weather, my two favourite Red cars did not even pass Q3!

Watching these fast cars racing each other, I found excitement in myself. I love and fear speed at the same time. Love the feeling to accelerate forward, but fear the pain when anything goes wrong. Speed kills huh?! :D Everytime I watched the race on TV with my dad, he would always say to me that my enthusiasm towards these fast cars indicates my eagerness to drive fast someday, when I have one powerful car. Is it? I don't really know. Speed kills, Ayah! :D

So now I wonder, what makes people interested in Formula One?

The cars. The drivers. The technical thing. Or the strategy. Or they just enjoy the velocity, like I do :D

Talking about drivers. I only started to have interest in Formula One in 2008, when Kimi Raikonnen just won the driver's championship in 2007. It happens that I favoured Kimi during the early days, despite of whatever team he was in. And then in 2009, some miracles happened, I got the chance to experience the race in Sepang, for the first time in my whole life :D I went for the qualifying, trying to fit myself in the motorsports world, learning as much A-Z of Formula One races. Later that year, I was among the earliest to buy tickets for 2010 race in Sepang :D no more free tix, and I do realize right from the start, what an expensive hobby I have! :D

Kimi chose to be in Rally instead of Formula One this year. So I continued to be a big fan of Ferrari, maybe because they are legendary, or somehow I just believe that they'll recover this season, from the bad bad races in 2009. This season,it seems they manage to be competitive, but during the mid-season, there were few disappointing races. But suddenly towards the end, Alonso was up again battling for the championship. How delighted I am now. When my favourite team is just a step away from victory :D come on prancing horses, go get the bulls to your back! :D

Throughout this season, I found myself to be eyeing on this one rookie, it's Nico Hulkenberg of Williams. Even with a not-so-competitive car, this guy can manage to score points. He even beat the big names to have the pole for himself at Brazil! Come on, a rookie, driving Williams, on P1? Of course I don't expect him to win the race, but hello? I believe, one day, he'll be one of the contenders in the driver's championship! Good Luck Hulkenberg!

At this time of writing, the first practice session in Abu Dhabi has just ended. The bulls seems too fast for the prancing horses. But we'll see. The real battle, is 48 hours away! And I'm sure I'll be at home, infront of the TV, sitting next to my dad and sister, wearing the RED MUBADALA FERRARI cap :D Alonso on the go, yow! :D :D :D

Just because of Love :)

2010-08-31T22:09:00.002+08:00

Hanya Kerana Cinta - HafizAF+ArilAF+AyuOIAM+AnneHotFM+TiniHotFM

Keadaan kita memang sukar
Bukan kerna cinta yang menghalang
Walaupun terpaksa kita terpisah
Namun hanya untuk seketika saja

Tak pernah lepas dari cobaan
Dalam perjalanan percintaan
Tapi ku relakan cintaku untuk mu
Yakin pada tulusnya kasihmu

Hanya kerana cinta ku melangkah jauh
Sanggup menyepi mencari ilham ku
Tak ada yang lebih dari itu
Hanya kerana cinta ku bersujud pasrah
Mengharapkan belas maaf dari mu
Tak ada yang lebih
Tak ada yang lebih dari itu

Bawalah aku ke dalam mimpi mu
Agar ku dapat bersama mu
Walaupun hanya sementara
Sentuhanmu indah

P/S: It is one beautiful modern Hari Raya song. Dedicated to my sweet sweet people, all around the globe. Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin :D

WC.Dreams.Du'a.

2010-08-24T10:04:00.003+08:00

I never thought of being a world champion one day. But maybe today, I'll start dreaming to be one, in anything I'd be doing in the future.

I am no athlete, I don't dream of winning gold medal for Olympics.
I am no sportsman, don't imagine I'd win the World Cup.
I am just ordinary, with talents of mine that some I still don't discover.. YET.

Being a champ of the world, I might be idols to a lot of souls.
But at my age, I just couldn't visualize what would I be.
Well, at least I have started dreaming, the first step to everything.

Dream. I always dream of becoming somebody that would inspire people. In a good way of course. But at the same time I know I must be better, and better everyday. Maybe not the best, as it would put me in the comfort situation, where I'd slowdown my pace, and maybe drifted in my own imaginations.

Success is everywhere waiting for me to grab them, and I tell you, I'm on my way :)

Oh, you too deserve success. Everyone does... after putting such effort and faith together. And I always believe that hardwork pays. Doesn't mean we have to work 24/7, putting so much physical efforts, that somehow we sometimes forget, the power of Du'a :)

I'm not best at religious views, but I'd love to share in a way that reminds me too as His servant :)

So we can always dream, and pray, ask for anything we want, but always, with EFFORT :) and if we can hardly see the way, we can always ask Him, to show the path, and the rest of the journey... is up to us :)

Have a safe and interesting journey ahead! :D

A dream of she.

2010-08-20T09:46:00.004+08:00

she liked it the way they were,
driving in his car for an hour,
they talked they laughed together,
he took her home to meet his mother.

everyone seems happy,
everything seems right.
no sorrow no worry,
not even a single fight.

he made her smile,
she loved his style,
in love they were,
made for each other.

and then it blurred,
everything disappeared.
crap, it was just a dream,
and again, she dreamt of him.

she took a pen
a notebook then

"Dear Diary,
I felt happy.
even for a while,
he made me smile."

"even it's a dream,
I feel like to scream,
that one day finally,
he'll fall for me."

no matter where she stays,
she keeps him, the safest place.
No one could see, no one could be,
for only him, has the key,
but he never knew, sadly.

----------------------------------

I used to wrote stuffs like this back in my school years. And then the words just disappear. Maybe it need something to trigger, and now I'm starting to get there. Again.

So what had triggered me? I still don't know.

A dream maybe? ",

+According to you+

2010-08-19T21:13:00.004+08:00

According to you - Orianthi

According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless
I can't do anything right
According to you I'm difficult, hard to please
Forever changing my mind

I'm a mess in a dress, can't show up on time
Even if it would save my life
According to you, according to you

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
So baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you

According to you I'm boring, I'm moody
And you can't take me any place
According to you I suck at telling jokes
'Cause I always give it away

I'm the girl with the worst attention span
You're the boy who puts up with that
According to you, according to you

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
So baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you

I need to feel appreciated
Like I'm not hated, oh no
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad, you're making me dizzy

But according to me you're stupid, you're useless
You can't do anything right

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
Baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you, you
According to you, you

According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless
I can't do anything right

Melancholic.

2010-08-19T00:11:00.001+08:00

the heart was torn into pieces,
that no word could describe.

the rain poured sorrow,
no stars nor moon light.

she cried and cried.
alone she hide.

she tried to stop,
but a smile, she forgot.

she stood and prayed,
regrets, she said.

Dear God,
help her, she begged.
cause no one cared.
no,not even him.

poor little girl,
nobody hears.
even he, didn't listen.

she walked in pain,
blood rush in vain.

sorrow don't come tomorrow,
she begged, please go.

and if sorrow comes tomorrow,
maybe she'd go.

...................

Philosophical Freak~

2010-08-18T12:35:00.005+08:00

While others say I am unique, some call me Freak.
That I'm so philosophical, that I think too complicated.

And then I told 'em I am just looking at things differently,
and I thought it was good for them, to consider the good and the bad side.

But then again they say I fail to impress, that my views doesn't really count.
So how can I be what I am not? And say things I don't really mean?
Where have all the Law of Expressing gone? Or do they even existed before?

If I succeed to impress them, it also means I failed myself.
I let down the desire in me, to dare to dream the impossible.
At least I am always trying to be optimistic, and to be better.

It's true that we cannot change people.
It is also true that it takes a lot to change.
We can never be somebody else, but we can always be better.

No matter what we were taught in the past,
it's always up to us to choose cause we always have options.
And when they were hooked up with what they always believed,
even when they could do better, that's when I'll take a step away.

One at a time. Then another, and another.

Because how can you let yourself to be around people that lives in denial?
Or people that really knows their potential and knows what's stopping them and still,sadly and tragically, couldn't do anything about it?

And then they started to envy other people's life,
while they limit their imaginations that they'll never achieve like the other people one day,
and then in the end they will finally realize that they've wasted years holding back themselves for NOTHING!

Wasted money, money can be earn.
Wasted food, food you can buy.
But wasted life? You can never get it back.
Lucky you, you still have your future.

I am not writing this here to humiliate anyone.
I am writing this coz it filled my mind.
And I felt responsible to express my thoughts this way,
that in general everyone that reads, can never know, what triggered me.

But all I can say is, this, is happening everywhere, throughout life. That someday you might bumped onto these kind of people, and then you'll know how I felt.

Thanks for reading :D

Ramadhan di rumah Dia ",

2010-08-17T12:38:00.004+08:00

Setiap kali Ramadhan tiba, setiap kali itulah aku rindu.

Rindukan ketenangan yang hadir, rindu debaran dada setiap kali kaki melangkah masuk ke rumah Dia. Dan aku rindu sebak di hati tatkala terlihat binaan teguh di tengah-tengah lautan manusia yang telah lama menjadi kiblat umat seagamaku.

Sepanjang hidup, 3 kali Dia menjemput aku jadi tetamu di rumah Dia. Pertama kali waktu itu aku kosong, tak mengerti yang wajib yang sunat, yang aku tahu, pertama kali itu yang paling manis kerana dapat menikmati harumnya Batu Hitam di sudut binaan teguh itu. Ketika itu usia baru 6 tahun. Walaupun tidak faham setiap perlakuan mereka, aku merasa seronok berjalan keliling binaan teguh itu, dan berulang-alik antara 2 bukit, tanpa sedikit pun letih, apatah lagi minta didukung, yang aku ingat, Ayah pimpin tangan aku, dan bila Ayah berlari-lari anak, aku pun ikut sama :)

Kali kedua sewaktu usia 10 tahun. Kali ini aku pergi bersama Ayah dan Mama sahaja, kata Ayah sebab aku cemerlang dalam peperiksaan. Betul juga, sebab sebelum peperiksaan akhir tahun, Ayah janjikan pakej umrah kalau aku dapat nombor 1 dalam batch. Dan kerana terlalu mahukan itu, aku berusaha dan berdoa dan Dia jadikan aku tetamu Dia lagi tahun itu. Waktu ini hanya 3 perkara yang masih lekat di ingatanku. Pertama, setiap kali pulang dari rumah Dia, pasti Ayah belikan aku jus mangga yang tak terbanding dengan mana-mana jus mangga di Malaysia. Satu hari, aku minta jus mixed fruit, dan akibatnya, sewaktu mengikut Ayah makan malam bersama rakannya di hotel lima bintang di sana, aku muntah teruk. Kedua, sepanjang berada di sana, aku berkomunikasi dengan Ayah dan Mama dalam Bahasa Inggeris, peliknya, bila sampai saja di Malaysia, terus keras lidah menyebut perkataan Bahasa Inggeris. Ketiga, tiket penerbangan pulang ke Malaysia masih belum disahkan, sehingga hari terakhir tempoh sah visa, bermakna 10 hari berada di tanah Dia. Waktu itu, sebenar-benarnya aku sudah rindukan Malaysia :)

Kali ketiga dan yang paling mengujakan adalah sewaktu usia 14 tahun. Waktu ini agak kelam-kabut juga lah dibuatnya. Tiket penerbangan hanya disahkan beberapa hari sebelum berangkat. Waktu itu pertengahan Ramadhan, waktu penerbangan pula sejurus selepas waktu berbuka. Ayah masih bekerja pada sebelah siangnya, dan kami tiba lewat di KLIA. Tapi memang itu yang selalu Ayah lakukan, sebab ada kelebihan check-in lewat. Akhirnya kami dapat upgrade ke bussiness class secara percuma :) rezeki Ramadhan :)

Uniknya ziarah kali ini adalah pemergian kami tidak melalui mana-mana agensi pelancongan. Memandangkan Ayah berpengalaman luas dalam bidang Umrah & Ziarah, kata Ayah biar mencabar dan menarik sedikit. Aku akur sajalah, duit Ayah kan :)

Tiba saja di Jeddah, kami hampir-hampir lewat untuk penerbangan ke Madinah, kerana lapangan terbang yang berbeza. Tak dinafikan juga kerana sistem imigresen disana yang kurang efisyen. Nasib baik Ayah tahu berdiplomasi dengan orang-orang Arab, dapat juga kami sampai di lapangan terbang satu lagi dengan bantuan rakan Ayah di Jeddah.

Tiba saja di Madinah, aku keletihan yang amat. Dan bila ditanya kepada Ayah tentang hotel, Ayah kata, tunggu dulu dekat lobi hotel dan Ayah berjalan bersama rakannya mencari hotel yang lebih cost-effective. Memang ziarah bajet ni :) Memang aku tertidur di lobi hotel tersebut, dan bila tersedar, Ayah kembali dan membawa kami ke hotel lain. Tak ingat lah apa nama hotelnya, ada 3 katil, dan bilik air kecil. Cukuplah untuk kami berempat.

Waktu itu di Madinah memang sejuk. Kali pertama kami hanya solat di luar Masjid Nabawi. Sejuknya Tuhan saja yang tahu. Sudahlah pakaian ala kadar dan hanya bertelekung, tahan gigil aje lah :) Tapi aku seronok. Pengalaman Ramadhan pertama di tanah suci :)

Ketika sampai di masjid sebelum Maghrib, ramai yang mengagih-agihkan makanan, di dalam masjid, di luar masjid, di tepi-tepi jalan. Tak kira bangsa, warna kulit dan rupa, putih atau hitam pakaiannya, kerana yang ada di situ semuanya satu agama :)dan sambil itu si pemberi akan berkata, "Fi Sabilillah" :) Selepas berbuka ala kadar dan solat maghrib di masjid, kami kembali ke hotel, dan Ayah keluar mencari makanan berat untuk mengisi perut yang lapar (sebab tak sempat bersahur pada pagi nya). Ayah seronok mencuba pelbagai makanan tempatan, dan paling mengujakan aku adalah kentang goreng yang gemuk-gemuk belaka :) Untuk sahur juga Ayah belikan kami nasi di jual orang Pakistan, besar-besar butir nasinya :) Hidangan seorang kami makan empat orang :)

Di Masjid Nabawi juga, aku pertama kali bersolat Jumaat. Menarik kan? (siapa kata perempuan tidak boleh solat jumaat!)

Menariknya lagi,aktiviti membeli-belah rancak pada sebelah malam selepas Solat Tarawikh. Ayah kata kedai-kedai ini buka sebelah malam hingga waktu sahur, dan kemudian siangnya tutup. Tidak lama di Madinah, 19 Ramadhan kami bersiap untuk ke Makkah. Yang menariknya, Ayah tidak mahu mengikut rombongan bas jemaah Malaysia yang bertolak pada waktu yang sama, tapi Ayah bawa kami ke stesen bas.

Sampai saja di sana, masyaAllah, ramainya manusia, lebih dahsyat dari Puduraya sesaknya. Berebut-rebut orang membeli tiket, tiket yang ada hanyalah selepas Asar sedangkan waktu itu Zuhur pun belum. Bertambah menarik, walaupun tiket dibeli mengikut jadual bas yang bergerak mengikut waktu, orang-orang Arab ini berebut-rebut menaiki bas walaupun membeli tiket yang lebih lewat waktunya. Pantang ada bas yang membuka pintu, berebut-rebut mereka sampai bertolakan tak kira lelaki perempuan walaupun memakai ihram! Dahsyat! Waktu itu aku hanya mampu berdoa, kerana tak terfikir satu cara pun aku akan terselamat menaiki bas jika begitu gayanya masyarakat Arab.

Alhamdulillah, sekali lagi rezeki Ramadhan dihadiahkan buat kami. Ayah berbual dengan seorang pemandu bas Indonesia, dan kebetulan dia mahu memulakan perjalanan, dia minta Ayah bawa kami menunggu betul-betul di depan pintu bas tersebut sebelum dilihat orang lain. Syukur, aku tak perlu bertarung dengan apa yang telah aku saksikan sebelumnya :) Kami berbuka dalam perjalanan dan selepas niat ihram di tempat Miqat, aku tidur sepuas-puasnya (kerana sebelumnya tidak dapat tidur disebabkan anak-anak orang Arab yang menjerit-jerit memanggil ayahnya dari depan ke belakang dan juga orang Arab yang bergaduh kerana menurunkan tempat sandar kerusi).

Dan bila niat ihram dah terlafaz, bersedialah dengan dugaan di bumi Dia. Cabaran pertama, aku tersedar sewaktu orang lain nyenyak tidur kerana tekak begitu perit. Dan hampir-hampir tak dapat bernafas. Bila diselidik, rupanya ada manusia tak bertanggungjawab sedang menghisap rokok dalam bas yang tertutup! OK kesabaran teruji.

Setibanya di Makkah, sedikit terubat bila saja terdengar bacaan imam solat tarawikh dari Masjidil Haram. Waktu itu bermulanya Malam ke-20 Ramadhan. Patutlah berebut-rebut orang masuk ke Makkah, mahu mengejar Lailatulqadr. Turun saja dari bas, kami terpaksa menunggu lagi rakan Ayah. Dugaan datang lagi, aku begitu sesak dengan asap kenderaan.

Sudahnya, aku demam panas ketika dalam ihram, dan hanya keesokan harinya barulah dapat menunaikan ibadat Umrah. Perasaan pertama kali melihat Kaabah tersergam begitu indah amat mengasyikkan. Rasanya seperti jatuh cinta pandang pertama, betul tak tipu! Terasa sangat ingin menyentuhnya, melihatnya sebanyak mungkin, dan kerana aku juga, Mak terpaksa berjalan jauh ke dalam masjid, kerana aku mahu melihat Kaabah :)

Berbuka di Masjidilharam tidak begitu berbeza dengan di Madinah. Pernah sekali kami terlewat sampai, azan sudah berkumandang dan tak ada satupun makanan di tangan, ketika itu ramai yang menghulurkan kurma dan roti. Sebak aku seketika, kerana aku yakin, di bumi itu, takkan pernah Dia biarkan kita merasa susah.

Di Makkah, kami berkongsi juadah dengan rombongan jemaah Malaysia. Ayah tidak begitu setuju, kerana kata Ayah tak seronok tak dapat merasa makanan tempatan di Makkah. Aku ikutkan saja, janji ada makanan :)

Pengalaman Ramadhan di Tanah Haram hingga ke hari ini masih segar dalam ingatan. Seronoknya bertarawikh di sana hinggakan tak terasa malas menyudahkan 20 rakaat, bukan kerana peluang datang hanya sekali, tapi semangatnya Imam melagukan ayat-ayat suci dan bacaan qunut yang menyayukan yang buat aku begitu rindu suasana itu.

Dan setiap kali Ramadhan menjelang tahun-tahun setelah itu, aku jadi sayu, jadi rindu. Mungkin tidak sampai doaku ke langit untuk jadi tetamu Dia lagi. Mungkin banyak perkara yang perlu aku perbetulkan sebelum melangkah ke Tanah Suci. Mungkin Dia ada pilihan waktu yang lebih baik untuk aku ke sana. Mungkin juga kali ini aku harus berusaha lebih menyimpan duit sendiri untuk sampai ke sana. Dia, Maha Mengetahui.

Yang aku tahu, setiap kali menonton siaran langsung solat tarawikh dari Tanah Suci itu, aku jadi sayu :(

Dan kepada yang membaca, semoga satu hari nanti kita dijemput jadi tetamu Dia. Aamiin. :) :) :)

Memories of Ramadhan ^_^

2010-08-15T10:51:00.004+08:00

Since the first day of Ramadhan, the memories came back just like a screenplay, one after another. Ramadhan for me, has always been so special, and will always be.

1986-1992
Ramadhan meant new baju kurung, new shoes, everything new, and bunga api. I never played mercun, well, didikan dari kecik but not turun temurun since I think my dad used to play meriam buluh during his childhood :) even when I played bunga api once I burnt my hand :P

1993
I remembered the first time I tried to puasa, and I did complete the first day of Ramadhan, but sangat longlai. I remembered following Ayah and Mama to Bazar Ramadhan at Flat PKNS Jalan Kuching, sleeping at the back all the way home. And the rest of the days, tergoda dengan air sirap rakan-rakan sekelas. HAHAHAHA

1994
I improved by completing more days than the year before. But still, tergoda dengan air sarsi rakan sekelas dan biskut jejari yang ada gula tu. Ayah and Mama tried to make me fast, by using best friend's rivalry, since my best friend, Nadiah puasa penuh that year!

1995
I was a prefect at school that year. So konon nak tunjuk teladan yang baik. Well not really because of that. Besides the best friend's rivalry, Ayah and Mama succeed to 'rasuah' me with ice-cream 7 Eleven, which had been my favourite (and not long after that they stop producing the tasty soft ice-cream T__T). Well it worked. This was the year I started to puasa penuh, and following Ayah and Mama to the mosque for solat terawih. But at the mosque, biase lah. Typical budak-budak at that time, bile jumpe geng, telekung dah ke mane. Plus, the mosque was just steps away from 7 Eleven :D

1996-1998
Nothing much I could remember of Ramadhan in these years, except that I did puasa penuh, without any 'rasuah' :P :P

1999-2001
During these first 3 years in boarding school, I got lucky because Ramadhan was during school holidays :) 2000 was the year I remembered most. Alhamdulillah, last minute confirmation of flight tickets to Jeddah, I got the chance to experience Ramadhan in Makkah and Madinah :) A lot of things I would love to share it here, maybe in another post :) And I really miss those moments, badly :(

2002-2003
2002 was the first time I had to fast at school. OK for only few days, but that's enough to make me cry when I heard the Pengumuman Puasa. Konon first time puasa di perantauan :P :P :P But then it was a blissful Ramadhan, when I had too many butterflies in the stomach :D :D :D too personal to share it here I guess :) 2003, SPM during Ramadhan. I was too lazy to go down to the Dewan Makan, so I just had milk and cereals for sahur. This was also the time we walked to so-called Bazar Ramadhan Kampung Labu, kinda frustating with the food selection but we all did enjoyed being together. Another one event was during weekends, when we asked our moms to cook and bring it to us, and gathered all the foods for buka puasa. Dorm HASA SPM 2003, I missed that moment a lot! :) :) :)

2004
This time I was in matriculation. Nothing much I remembered, those days in matriculation weren't much in my memories. Maybe I did not let myself to do so.

2005-2007
These were during my Bachelor's degree years. Sahur at McD Equine Park with my room mates, and juniors (which some people found out and made controversy out of it WTFun?). Other than that, not much I could remember.

2008- till present
Master's degree years. Not much events. Except for exploring the Bazar Ramadhan everyday! Sometimes Serdang, sometimes Bangi, and then Putrajaya. But I really miss the PKNS Jalan Kuching's! Maybe today :) I think last year was one of the best Ramadhan, when I got to gather with old friends from school :) we did have a good time together, even sahur together :D Even last night I spent few hours with my best friends from school, from the Curve to Murni SS2, a lot of things being talked about, shared and laughters! :D

So Ramadhan has been so special to me, and will always be InsyaAllah :D May you'll have a blissful Ramadhan too! ",

Dear Ramadhan, you mean a lot to me ",

Hello people :)

2010-08-12T13:46:00.003+08:00

Hello people :)

SO I've been in silence in July. Playing around with deadly deadlines I've set for myself, and as usual, nearly got killed by the combo of gastritis and migrains I supposed. Despite of that, I'm a bit relief, that I have settled the first draft of my journal paper and three chapters of Master's thesis. Some might say, ala baru first draft! but lantak lah korang, at least I belong to the group of people who knows how to reward ourselves :)

So many things I'd like to talk about, to share it here with you, people I know well, and maybe some I never met, or never knew before. Too many issues popped up in mind lately - eg. negative thinker, appreciation and ego, being supportive, looking at things differently, bad driving habit, and mostly, I thought about civilization.

A lot of issues came across my mind, especially while driving.

1. I wonder why some men just couldn't show a li'l respect to lady drivers on the road. And I just hate it when a car in front drives slowly or carelessly some men would say " That must be a lady driver!" Owh come on, what if it's your wife, your mom or your sister? Would you say the same thing? Please, GENTLEMAN, if you read this, please avoid yourself from being a chauvinist. Women hate that :)

2. Some people just love to cut queues, no matter where. On the road or at the counter. Macam kau sorang je nak cepat! This is happening EVERYWHERE, in Malaysia. Not all Malaysians of course, but still not enough to be the majorities. If the majorities are this civilized, you won't have to worry about BAD traffic jams, or waiting too long to be served at the counter :)

3. Our people, (I don't really know about others) have thousand words to express anger or complaints. And some did express it very well with dirty words, OUT LOUD. Well, that doesn't bother me much, what matters to me most is that these people tend to be very shy to say a simple Thank You, or is it because Thank You never existed in their vocab? Owh come on, orang kita pernah dikenali dengan sikap sopan-santun, setakat cakap Terima Kasih, bukan kene bayar pun!

P/S: Since I love to observe a lot, I do like to talk about it whenever I think of something. But I'm so unfortunate to have a mate that prefers to talk about other people's ideas and success rather than hearing my own ideas that sometimes can be dumb, sometimes bright :P, so I guess this is the only way I could share my thoughts, BORDERLESS thoughts! :) Thank you for visiting :D

Pendidik - aku.

2010-06-27T19:51:00.003+08:00

Sampai satu waktu, aku yakin dengan tekadku.

Tak pernah pun aku terfikir untuk akhirnya jadi pendidik. Tak kisah lah cikgu, pensyarah hatta guru tadika sekali pun. Yang penting niatnya satu, mendidik.

Pernah dulu, seorang kenalan memberitahu, "Kalau nak jadi pensyarah, tu, tengok balik Falsafah Pendidikan Negara". Seolah-olah secara siratan, dia memperlekehkan seseorang, mungkin juga aku. Tapi, aku tak goyang. Dah apa yang dikatanya, ada betulnya.

Nak jadi pendidik, tak mudah. Kerana secara literalnya, mahu jadikan seseorang itu orang. Nah, pasti pelik kan, bagaimana kalau mengajar Matematik itu boleh jadikan seseorang itu orang? Jawapannya mudah, bagi aku. Kerana apa? Kerana aku pernah laluinya.

Gagal Matematik Tambahan di Tingkatan Empat, aku 90% putus asa dengan kemampuan diri. Sedangkan dulu sebut saja Matematik berlumba-lumba mahu jawab di papan hitam. Tapi Tuhan hadirkan insan-insan yang aku gelar pendidik, yang sampai saat ini tak pernah aku lupakan dalam doa.

Insan-insan itulah yang sehabis baik, tabah dan sabar mengajar aku tak kira siang dan malam. Sampai satu saat, terdetik dalam diri, aku malu, kerana mereka lebih mempercayai kemampuan aku, lebih dari aku percayakan kebolehan diri. Lalu dari situ lahirnya tekad dan semangat, untuk tidak mengalah sebelum berjuang. Dan akhirnya, dari seorang 'PASTI GAGAL ADDMATH', alhamdulillah Matematik Tambahan SPM 2003 - A1.

Bukan niat untuk bongkak membangga diri, tapi itu hakikat. Pengalaman hidup banyak mengajar aku untuk memberikan yang terbaik pada waktu ini, dan masa hadapan.

Aku mahu jadi pendidik yang diingati, bukan kerana siapa aku, tapi kerana siapa muridku. Jika berjaya anak-anak didikku, maka berjayalah aku. Jika gagal, maka gagal juga lah aku.

Kerana aku yakin, Allah mengangkat martabat si pemberi ilmu, tapi bergantung pada keikhlasannya. Jika si pemberi melakukannya kerana wang ringgit, maka wang ringgit saja lah yang dibawa ke tua, tapi tidak ke mati.

Dan aku mengagumi sahabat rakan taulan yang rela hati menjadi pendidik, tinggi nya kamu pada pandangan aku, tinggi lagi martabatmu di sisi Pencipta.

Teruskan perjuangan wahai pendidik. Semoga kita nanti tergolong dalam insan-insan yang ikhlas menyambungkan ilmu, kerana ilmu Tuhan itu tak pernah habis!

Buat insan-insan yang tak pernah jemu mendidik aku dulu kini dan waktu-waktu mendatang, kalian tetap selalu dalam doaku :D

We talked.

2010-06-15T12:57:00.003+08:00

.. and I told him,

It would have been easier for me, much much easier, if I chose to follow him, wherever it would be. It would be easier for me, to achieve the dreams I've been dreaming, for years.

But that would also mean, that he means nothing to me. For all I know that I would only USE him, to be where I wanted to be, without having to face any insecurities.

but I didn't explain it that way. The only thing I said was "to take care of me, it's not that easy."

... even I myself had difficulties to take care of myself.

written by me, but not me.

2010-06-08T13:38:00.003+08:00

whenever I see him
I saw you

you look a lot like him
and he acted a lot like you

his words are beatiful
but yours, were blissful

and his smile is as sweet as you
but your eyes were brighter, and shined.

he choose to listen to his heart,
but I'm curious, did you?

and if you too have chosen to follow your heart,
what's that heart doing, pounding fast in you?

you were trying to hide it
unlike him, expressing everything.

but sadly, dramatically, and tragically,
whenever I see him, I saw, and still, will always see YOU.

even if you never care of what you've once cared for,
it's always been YOU.

*there are things in life we'd never knew, but well understood. felt by the heart, none cud be heard, nothing cud be seen*

Jangan!

2010-06-07T22:40:00.005+08:00

OK. ade satu isu ni.

haritu aku pergi wedding member skolah, ade dua wedding. sabtu dan ahad.

hari sabtu, wedding member lelaki, ramai jugak lah yang turn up. budak lelaki and perempuan balance lah. fine.

hari ahad, wedding member perempuan. ade yang tak datang wedding smalam tu datang, ada jugak yang tak datang.

disebabkan aku rasa aku sampai awal, aku tanya lah sorang member ni, mana budak-budak lelaki yang smalam tu since semalam member ni datang dengan diorang. die jawab ape tau? budak lelaki kata sebab ni wedding budak perempuan. WTFun? dan WTHello aku seketika.

Sampai ke akhirnya, yang datang seorang aje teruna. Tahniah lah!

Aku kadang-kadang tak faham. Dah 7 tahun blah dari skolah, 7 tahun tu tak cukup nak bukak minda luas luas ke?

Ape korang nak tunggu aku sapa korang semua dulu baru korang rasa tak segan dengan budak perempuan yang same batch dengan korang selama 5 tahun yang jumpe tiap-tiap hari pagi sampai malam sampai tak larat nak termuntah tu ke?

Come on la. Bende ni obvious sangat weh. Dari wedding first dulu, dah macam 2 batch yang berlainan. Sampai aku plak naik takut nak tegor depan-depan. Takut lah nanti dilabel sosial ke, nak ayat ke, or wuteva lah. Tapi come on lah.

Aku tak marah kalau korang ada kerja atau dok jauh. tapi make an effort lah, kalau betul takbleh nak buat cemane, tapi bila alasan sebab BATCH perempuan tu aku pun tak paham. kalau macam tu, meh pecahkan segala forum bagai tu jadi dua. nak? Aku taknak!

Since aku setakat ni tak pernah miss wedding batch except 1 je, so aku nampak lah bende ni. dan tiap kali pun orang yang sama je berborak dalam kumpulan lelaki & perempuan. ORANG YANG SAME JE.

aku setakat ni, cuba lah pergi wedding dak2 batch sebab aku fike ramai dak laen kat oversea lagi, so sape lagi nak meriahkan big day kawan-kawan kita kan? nanti time aku kat oversea, orang lain lah pulak yang tolong meriahkan :D harapnye nanti baliknye kawan-kawan kat oversea tu, dapat lah neutralkan bende ni. aku harap sangat lah.

tak tau lah kan kalau ade yang baca. sape makan cili die rase pedas. mungkin aku agak keterlaluan sebab tulis bende ni, tapi cuba fikir demi kebaikan semua. Networking kene jaga. Jangan sampai tak kenal budak batch sendri pastu siap ter'ngorat' plak nanti. HAHAHA :D

Again.

2010-06-01T22:26:00.002+08:00

If you are unhappy, do something about it.

But, what?

What should I do?

I just don't know.

And let it be. until it bleeds. and none left.

And the heart would be torn into pieces. and gone.

and then I'll be asking myself again,

What should I do?

Again. and again. and again.

Unfair.

2010-03-11T17:43:00.002+08:00

it is so unfair to get angry with someone over the decision that have been made when you are the one who listed the options and make people choose.

it is so unfair.

yes it is.

thank you.

My Standing Ovation~

2010-02-15T19:35:00.006+08:00

I just love it.

Konsert Satu Suara Aizat, Faizal Tahir & Siti Nurhaliza, with Orkestra Simfoni Kebangsaan.

Something Malaysia should be proud of, to have the amazing talents, the performers, and the musicians as well.

It was the first paid-concert I ever attended. And no doubt, two thumbs up! owh, maybe that's just not enough, I did give 'em a STANDING OVATION! Their performance were fantastic, and the thing I love the most about attending concert in Istana Budaya was that they have limited audience, the performers could give full attention to the audience. And yeah, I just love the audience that night as well. Especially the Rockensteiners!!

While Aizat was testing the crowds, he asked for Sitizoners. There were applauses and some noise, but the moment he asked for Rockensteiners, it was like a wave of energy came from all over the hall, yelling and screaming. And then Aizat said "That's how we do it, Sitizoners." *winkwink*

Aizat performed several songs of his own, also some others. I like the Yesterday (The Beatles) performance best. His voice was much much more beautiful from the one heard in CD's. Hey, he did performed Thank You Allah by Raihan too! :) Aizat, keep up the GREAT work!

And when Aizat finished singing, he introduced Faizal Tahir and the hall got really dark, that was the moment I had goosebumps. Not because it's eerie, but the screaming and yelling, applauses and noises from the Rockensteiners that in Malay they say 'macam nak pecah panggung'. I was like OMG OMG he's coming he's coming. HAHA. Was I? Or did I joined the crowd screaming for Faizal? HAHA. *winkwink*

Faizal Tahir is a TRUE performer. Despite his health condition, he never fails to give such a LIVELY performance. I just enjoyed all the songs as much as I love 'em. But he did missed one song, my favourite Kasih Tercipta. But it's okay, cause he performed Bencinta way better compared during AJL. Hey Faizal, I wanna be your Rockensteiner too!!! *winkwink*

And then there was Siti Nurhaliza, all-time-favourite. She's a sweetheart (much sweeter if she's not married yet :P) HAHA. And as expected, Siti would give me goosebumps, even more when she hit the high notes. Her voice is magical, one of a kind, and yes I envy her talent. What a colourful voice she has. I like the re-arrangement of Kau Kekasihku song, modified to rock version.

Overall, Great Job Siti Nurhaliza Productions! Siti mentioned that she'd be glad to collaborate again with those two fantastic guys in future. Please do so, Siti :)

And the feelings I had last night was something untouchable, unbelievable, and undefined. But what I know, I felt really PERFECT!!!

Thank U Aizat. Thank U Siti. Thank U FAIZAAAALLL!!! THANK U THANK UUUU!! :)

A girl's thing~

2010-02-06T02:21:00.003+08:00

I don't know how to put on mascara.
I don't know how to use the eyeliner.
I don't know how to wear eyeshadows.
And I'm not comfortable with high heels.

So does that reduces the girl quality in me? It's subjective, right?

The reason behind this is simple. I'm not interested (for now :P)

I just don't understand why girls are willingly to spend more on makeups rather than skin care products. Because I would :) Beauty is not only something that you put on, but it's more on what you are. I'm not saying that I'm not putting anything on my face, I do. Some basic foundations and lip balms, and all for protecting the skin from the UV's. Oh I do wear blushers sometimes, when my face is turning blue. :P

About the heels, "Beauty is pain" undeniably applies to it. As much as I'm concerned, I only wore heels once, during my convocation back in 2008. Occasionally, heels are tolerable (only when it involves more sitting than walking :P)

So I guess makeups are just a no-no for me for the time being (at least until I got my own salary $$$). But to tell you the truth, skin care products are better investments than makeups :P

P/S: I can't believe I just wrote about makeups. HAHAHA

P/S 2 : Well it's not wrong to wear makeups, but what a waste to hide the natural looks we have. Just be confident and there you go girl :)

Stop and share :)

2010-02-02T09:47:00.003+08:00

I just can't believe this.

At one moment you said you have moved ahead, and then you just realized you are not even a step from where you stayed.

I just couldn't figure out what's bugging me lately. It was some kind of illusions of the future with people from the past. So did I really leave my past behind?

It was one time long ago that I hated my past and everything in it. Like a computer, I even deleted all the stuffs in the Recycle Bin. But I'm no computer, I'm a human. A human that is created so unique that the brain is something magical yet so powerful. So now I admitted that the brain still carries all the memories of my almost twenty four years of life, including the one that I thought I've totally forgotten.

Or maybe someone somehow broke into my system and purposely restore all those stuffs again, well it's kinda metaphore. But I think there's something that triggers all the memories back, and unexpectedly I got to picture them in my dreams. My dreams about my future.

It was amazing that I remembered two years ago I had this one dream, and I could remember the storyline A to Z the moment I woke up. Surprisingly, eventhough I had no ideas for the dream becoming reality, it did. Not exactly but almost the same. So I can say it's deja vu. :P

I'm not sure if this is right, but I think my mind has discovered something. Whenever I met the people from the past, it's like I was hypnotized. The atmosphere of tensed and anger were totally twisted to peace and joy. Not to mentioned that the way of thinking was a bit different, I was able to talk anything freely, to dream and to achieve. Could it be because back then when those people were around, I used to think more optimistic rather than now? Or could it be that the people back then were the one who triggered the side of my mind and emotions that somehow it produced great ideas and big dreams? Well no one could answer that for me. It would be YES if I believed.

But to live in reality, I have to believe. Believe that every single person that came across this life has some lessons I can learn from. Even now, sitting in the library, I could learn something by just looking at them. Or more by observing.

So I guess, I just have to adapt to these changes I'm facing. I'd keep praying for the best, the best moments with the best people in my life, no matter who they are, the one from the past, or the future.

But if I had a choice, I wouldn't want to live in the past again, because I believe I'm a lot better now than who I was before. Because you believed. Thank You.

Mind Your Dreams~

2010-01-29T12:40:00.003+08:00

Just this morning, I had a sweet dream, after a series of nightmares for the past few nights. It was just then something popped in my mind, so I decided to search for the answer.. and I got an interesting explanation. Thank U Google :)

"The unconscious mind can be seen as the source of night dreams" - Wikipedia.

From my readings, the unconscious mind can be trained. So that explains why I kept having nightmares during my hard times. Also, I did have some inspiring dreams while I was about to give up on something, it might be because of the unconscious mind that reminds me of my motivations during the early days.

So somehow I discovered that my habits of dreaming big everytime I saw BIG things (that some people think is impossible) are helping me all these while. Plus, the unconscious mind has been a very good friend to me indeed. Thank You dear :)

Now that I know the fact, how can I not love myself better :)

Dream BIG, people!

A while huh?

2009-12-08T16:51:00.002+08:00

it's been a while.

yeah I have to admit that I almost forgot the existence of my Compaq and broadband.

I'd love to write again, but I do have some other obsessions right now.

So the words can wait. I hope so.

till then, tata ",

Ayah and I

2009-11-07T01:33:00.003+08:00

Ayah will be admitted to IJN this Sunday for angiogram and angioplasty.

Ayah texted me about it just a day after I had dinner with my sister when she told me Ayah had asked her few times how busy I've been these few weeks.

It was so touching, I can't stop blaming myself for not completing my experiments earlier so that I can spend at least once a month having quality time with him.

I called him yesterday and we talked about the procedures, Ayah said the doctor told him the risk was only 1% and told me not to worry. 1 is still a number ok.

But I don't worry much about the angio-thing.

What matters to me most is that I just couldn't be there for Ayah,

and yeah, I just realized it has been 1 month 1 week and 3 days since our last meeting.

AND I MISS HOME DAMN MUCH!!!!

.... and I miss everyone. EVERYONE!!!!

P/S: My prayers will always be with you, Ayah",

Mystery remains...

2009-10-26T23:15:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure who wrote this. Might be me, might be not. I found this in a file name 'Bizarre' while browsing the mixed up folders :P But no matter who wrote the lines, they are simply nice and *sweet*. For me, at least.

When you looked into my eyes
I could say nothing
Coz it seems perfect
You got thru my soul

When you looked into my eyes
I felt warmth
The brightness of your eyes
Shines into my soul

When you looked into my eyes
It goes thru, right to the heart
And the feelings were great
As great as it used to be

When you looked into my eyes
I knew you saw hope
For every reason I have
I have to keep it low

Because when u looked into my eyes
You never knew what was going on in here
A mixed feeling, a kept top secret
That no one would ready to reveal

It was you
That kept me going
That gave me strength
That secretly hoped for the best in me

It was your words
That keeps me moving
That holds my faith
That stops me from any single chance of giving up

And if you’re in the One in The Million
I dun mind texting thousands votes
Because you’re something more.

^_^

Merepek Eps. Berape?

2009-10-22T00:08:00.004+08:00

I miss every-ONE.

I miss every-THING.

Owh Mr. Happiness, I'm too stressed out with Mr. Stress! HELP!

P/S 1: I lost my watch, does that mean I lost my time too? Sort of. Too sad for the lost, coz it was a present from mom. Guess I have to wait till next March to ask for a new one (if only there is one kindhearted human being willingly to buy me one T__T)

P/S 2: I was too stressed out the other day, that somehow my tears shaded my eyes, while I was at the laminar flow, with stacks of undone plates. T____T

P/S 3: This weekend I'm going to Sepang, MotoGP. Hope I could enjoy myself eventhough I don't enjoy the bikes that much. La la la~ :P

P/S 4: I was not so happy to hear Kimi will not race for Ferrari next season. But I do believe Ferrari will shine next year ", and poor Kimi for the incident at Interlagos. And no matter who races for Ferrari next season, I'm looking forward to be in Sepang around March or April 2010! Simpan duit! :P

Penat lelah bukan asma~

2009-10-15T21:12:00.002+08:00

Semester 3 Master adalah sangat menderaskan adrenalin saya. Sekian.

P/S: Rindu lah!

The Best Raya Ever Part 1

2009-10-01T21:28:00.003+08:00

It was the best raya ever.

A week full of sweet moments with sweet sweet people.

Sweet thoughts, sweet memories, everything lah sweet.

I wish I could make it longer, long enough for me to spend with each of my sweet sweet people.

But it always has to end early. And that would be the only reason for me, to look forward and wish for our next meeting ",

I miss them already. So badly :(

God Heard Me

2009-09-16T09:46:00.004+08:00

God heard me",

As I've been mentally prepared to celebrate 1st Hari Raya in Kuala Lumpur, few days ago mom told me we will be celebrating it in dad's kampung. No words could describe how I felt at that particular moment. *speechless*

Hari Raya in Tampin and places nearby. YES!!

Eventhough I seemed to love being in Kuala Lumpur so much, deep inside Hari Raya for me is being with big..big..big families. Owh, and also rendang ayam kampung that has always been my favourite! ",

And each time we went back to kampung, I won't miss to visit my late grandpa's grave. Eventhough I have only spent 4 years of my life with him, he gave me such inspirations", somehow I felt I am strongly connected to him, might be of the genes from him were expressed most in me", *winkwink*

Owh. The only thing that cause me a li'l bit uneasy being in kampung is the Maxis bad coverage. HAHA. Coz once I got back the signals, my inbox would be very busy indeed with raya sms. Come on, I prefer the traditional way guyz. HAHA. But this year I received none from the snail mail. So I guess there'd be a lot more in my phone inbox this Hari Raya ",

Talking about Hari Raya wishes. This was what I quoted on my Facebook status earlier.

A wish never been told. We hoped it could be delivered but who are we to be so sure, that it would be as what we expect it to be? and it might be.. A wish never been told. (Nur Masirah, 2009)

So it's not the Hari Raya wish that matters most to me. It's the forgiveness that I hoped for. Eventhough I wanted it so badly, how can I be so sure I have been forgiven or will be. And yeah, for some reasons, I do have wishes never been told.. for the time being. And I hope someday, I wish God heard me again",

And for YOU,

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Maaf Zahir Batin

^_^

The Little Me~

2009-09-08T11:53:00.002+08:00

Something I'd like to share.

Small things for me but seems so important to my mother.

And that's why she prepared this for me, years ahead. A frame for my Master's convocation picture.

And whenever I came back home and saw the picture, I'd surely smile at least, for the girl in the picture looked so innocent, and not-so-good with camera, but yeah, it's still me. 17 years ago. *winkwink*

Daerah ini...

2009-09-04T12:01:00.004+08:00

Sehingga saat ini, sudah lebih kurang 4 tahun 2 bulan aku jadi penghuni daerah ini. Pelbagai ragam manusia dan bukan manusia yang setia melintas depan mata untuk dilihat, di hati untuk di fahami, di fikiran untuk ditafsir, dan di telinga untuk didengari. Ya, ragam yang pelbagai itu mewarnai hari-hari seorang aku, yang kadangkala bisa buat aku tertawa riang, dan lain masa buat aku hampir-hampir putus asa.

Sejak hari pertama aku pikul bebanan seorang mahasiswa, aku sedar dan maklum tak semua yang dirancang menjadi, dan tak semua yang jadi tak dirancang. Tapi aku masih lagi diri aku, tak mahu lagi peduli apa kata orang, dan aku tidak perlukan pembantu peribadi ke sana ke mari 24 jam sehari. Tak kira apa caranya, aku mahu di penghujung hari aku tidur nyenyak.

Dan setelah tiga tahun bergelumang dengan buku, nota dan minit mesyuarat, aku akhirnya puas sendiri dengan apa yang dianugerahkan Tuhan kepadaku. Terlalu bahagia dan terhutang budi dengan daerah ini, aku terus mencari peluang dan ruang untuk meneruskan langkah asalkan aku masih bernafas di daerah ini. Dan syukurku sekali lagi bila peluang itu datang saat aku benar-benar memerlukan. Walaupun keadaan agak berbeza, aku masih lagi jadi penghuni daerah ini.

Pejam dan celik dan pejam dan celik semula. Dan kehidupan aku banyak berubah di daerah ini. Perubahan kecil atau besar, yang pasti itu semua adalah konklusi kepada jalan yang aku pilih dahulu. Setelah hampir 4 tahun di daerah ini, aku tidak pasti sama ada sayangku pada daerah ini masih seperti dulu. Dan aku seolah kian terlupa mengapa aku masih setia di sini.

Ya, benar. Aku teruskan perjuanganku di sini kerana sayangku pada daerah ini. Tapi semakin jauh perjalananku, semakin aku tidak mengenali pemastautin daerah ini. Seorang demi seorang memperlihatkan warna-warni kehidupan masing-masing. Dan kebanyakannya hanyalah indah di bawah sinar, sebenarnya kelam.

Senyumnya plastik. Kata-katanya sekadar sedap di telinga. Hatinya entah sumpah seranah apa. Di depan bijak mengatur langkah. Di belakang habis cerita satu dunia. Dan yang paling aku kecewa, tak pernah sekali aku mencabar egonya, tak pernah sedikitpun menghalang laluannya, apatah lagi menjaja kekurangannya, walaupun aku sedia maklum buruk baiknya.

Sia-sialah aku bersangka baik. Akhirnya aku juga yang tanggung kesan dan akibatnya.

Kini aku hanya menghitung hari. Bila sampai waktu nanti, aku akan pergi. Jauh dari si senyum plastik. Jauh dari si mulut manis. Jauh dari si muka dua.

Dan kepada daerah ini, maafkan aku andai aku melangkah pergi. Aku perlu hidup dalam lingkungan orang berilmu yang kelakuannya serupa orang yang berilmu. Bukan pelakon drama wannabe.

Tapi, mahu melangkah ke mana?

Makan-makan Cari Jalan Eps. 1

2009-09-03T10:08:00.002+08:00

Nando's. Tahu kan?

Dalam banyak-banyak Nando's, Nando's mana paling lousy?

Nando's Mines.

Kenapa?

Sebab lambat serba-serbi. Nak refill kene mintak? OMG. Lepas tu dah bayar bukan nak bagi resit. Baki 5 sen tak pulangkan! 5 sen pun bukan hak die OK.

Dalam banyak-banyak Nando's, Nando's mana paling superb?

Nando's KLCC.

Kenapa?

Sebab walaupun ramai gile orang, servis tetap bagus. Refill? 2 kali kot die DATANG refill. Oh SEDAPNYE!

Plus, pernah jumpe Dafi yang kiut makan kat situ. *Uhukhuk*

Ade lagi tak komen Nando's lain?

Nando's Sunway Pyramid
OK lah. Masuk kategori bagus lah.

Nando's Pavillion
OK lah sebab tak ramai orang jadi takkan servis tak bagus kot. HAHA

Nando's Alamanda
Pernah dulu makan dalam pukul 9 malam, ade ke banyak menu dah habis? Pliz lah. Tapi at least ade refill, tu yang penting! *winkwink*

Jadi secara tak langsung, dapatlah difahami bahawa saya ini seorang penggemar Nando's ",

P/S: Peri Chips TERBAEEKK!!

Sekian ",

Hati Malaya...

2009-08-27T13:18:00.003+08:00

Mahu tulis abstrak untuk konferens di Penang Disember ini, tapi idea entah sembunyi di mana.

Jadi teringat sesuatu lalu mahu dikongsikan dengan kawan-kawan.

Hari Ahad malam jam 10 pm kalau tak silap, RTM akan menyiarkan kembali filem 1957 Hati Malaya. Sukacitanya saya mengesyorkan kawan-kawan untuk menonton.

Kenapa?

Kerana ia bukanlah filem Melayu yang biasa-biasa. Bermesej dan penuh penghayatan tentang kemerdekaan.

Kalaulah kita benar-benar tahu besarnya pengorbanan mereka yang terdahulu, mungkinkah kita berbalah berpecah-belah saling dengki menindas dan memperjuangkan hanya kepentingan diri?

Saya ingin tahu benar. Benar.

P/S: Selamat Hari Ulangtahun, Malaysia. Sayang kamu ",

Merepek Eps. 3

2009-08-27T09:50:00.003+08:00

Bangun pagi. Senyum.

Siap-siap. Senyum.

Pergi bank. Senyum.

Sampai lab. Senyum.

Mengadap laptop. Senyum.

Sampai malam pun nak senyum.

Meraikan hari ini dengan senyuman. OK?

*winkwink*

La la la ",

Merepek Eps. 2

2009-08-26T11:20:00.002+08:00

Bangun pagi.
(Awal sedikit dari biasa sebab Prof telefon. urkk kantoi~)

Pergi CIMB. Duit tak masuk lagi.

Pergi Bendahari. Confirm memang nombor akaun salah.

Pergi GSO. Adegan serang-menyerang tak berlaku kerana pegawai in-charge cuti.
(Aku tak peduli. Aku ada bukti! Terima kasih Puan Bendahari ",)

Pergi Fakulti.

Belajar SAS dengan Masanto. TQ ", Ya, bisa cakap bahasa Indonesia. HAHAHA

Pergi Lab Sains Tanaman. Prepare amali petang ni.

Pergi masuk kelas Prof., bagi handouts dan amek attendance. Masuk je kelas tu dah kena dah "Eh, lecturer baru. Shhhh.." OK. wuteva lah!

Dan sekarang di depan laptop.

Esok, senyum",

Tak sabar *winkwink*

Sampai bila?

2009-08-25T10:50:00.002+08:00

Masuk kali ni, dah 4 kali allowance delayed.

First, August 2008. GSO hantar nombor akaun salah.

Second, June 2009. Aku lambat hantar borang attendance sehari. Duit bayar 3 hari lepas orang lain muka berseri-seri duit da masok.

Third, July 2009. Aku hantar borang antara yang awal. So ape masalah lagi? Pergi lah GSO, GSO kate dah clear. Pergi lah Bendahari, die tanye ini ke nombor akaun? OK. Masalah August 2008 jadi lagi. Katanya dapat surat dari GSO itu lah nombor akaun nye. Dah betulkan kat Bendahari, ako patah balik pergi GSO. GSO kata "Eh, dekat rekod saya betul nombor akaun ni.." OK. Saling menyalahkan lah anda semua, janji duit aku masuk.

Dan hari ini, di kala orang lain girang gembira hati tenang duit dah masuk, aku pergi ATM dan lihat baki RM 49. Nak tak nak terpaksa keluarkan jugak sebab wallet aku penuh dengan kertas aje.

Aku pergi kaunter GSO,

"Kak, saya nak check lah. Kenapa duit GRF saya tak masuk lagi."

Dengan muka masam "Oh memang ade yang lambat masuk. tunggulah 27, 28 hb ni"

"Tapi kak, last month pun lambat. Sebab salah nombor akaun. Jadi saya nak tau lah kat mane stuck. Lagipun, kawan-kawan yang hantar lagi lambat pun da dapat da. Boleh check kan tak, ni nombor matrik saya.."

"Oh orang yang in-charge ni cuti lah. Memang ade group yang lambat. ade berape belas hari tu.. Check dengan bendahari lah."

"OK" dan dalam hati aku dah tak peduli, biarlah kurang berkat Ramadhan aku, memang dah maki hamun dah GSO.

Pergi Bendahari.

"Kak, saya nak check lah. GRF saya tak masuk lagi. Boleh tak tolong cek sama ada masuk lambat or ada problem dengan nombor akaun.."

Dengan muka yang manis akak tu mintak nombor matrik. Sejuk lah sikit hati kan.

"Jap ye dik, akak tanya Puan Suzana"

"Dik, Puan Suzana dah keluar lah. Dia pergi KPT. Akak bagi nombor dia, nanti adik call petang nanti ye."

"Ok. Terima kasih ye kak"

"Adik call tau petang nanti, sebelum 4.30 ye"

Haihh. Baik pulak akak ni. Semoga Allah kurniakan pahala puasa berganda-ganda untuk dia.

Jadi, persoalan antara 2, sama ada aku hantar borang lewat lagi, atau salah nombor akaun.

Dan aku baru saja terima SMS rakan sefakulti yang hantar borang lewat sehari dari aku .. "Duit aku dah masuk"

Maka, fahamlah aku bahawa mungkin nombor akaun salah lagi atau entah apa masalah baru pulak.

Sejujurnya, hanya satu perkara yang bermain di fikiran.

Siapa mahu bela nasib pelajar siswazah seperti aku?

Konon mahu jadi Universiti Apex, mahu memperkasakan penyelidikan.

Pelajar siswazah diwajibkan menghantar jurnal sebagai syarat untuk bergraduat.

Mahu yang hebat-hebat. Mahu jadi universiti bertaraf dunia.

Tapi pengurusan? Tak payah lah nak syok sendiri dengan ISO certified tuh.

Petang ini, aku akan pastikan puncanya dengan Puan Suzana.

Dan kemudian, aku akan panjangkan hal ini kepada Timbalan Dekan Siswazah Fakulti.

Aku dah tak peduli. TNC pun aku boleh jumpa. Janji, kejadian seperti ini, tak berulang.

Tak berlaku pada orang lain.

Kerana aku tahu peritnya seksa.

Aku tak nak menangis sebab bende bodoh macam ni lagi.

Dan aku tak nak orang lain menangis kerana benda bodoh macam ni jugak.

Tapi aku percaya, hidup ini karma. Aku harap satu hari nanti bila duit gaji kau tak masuk sebab benda bodoh macam ni, kau akan teringat dulu kau ade buat silap sampai ade sorang student post-grad hanya makan ayam percik yang dibahagi dua untuk berbuka dan sahur pada bulan puasa yang orang lain duk kutip pahala. Sekian.

Nota kaki:

GSO - Sekolah Pengajian Siswazah,
GRF - scholarship
TNC - Timbalan Naib Canselor

Merepek Eps. 1

2009-08-24T13:06:00.004+08:00

Bulan Puasa.

Lab sejuk.

Hari Hujan.

Mengadap laptop.

Dengar lagu.

... No matter what I do ...

Teringat sesuatu.

Deja-vu.

Senyum.

Sambung kerja.

Sekian.

Anak-anak itu?

2009-08-22T18:18:00.004+08:00

Anak-anak kecil itu berlari-lari anak.

Kejar-mengejar berebut-rebut.

Tawa riang senyum suka.

Dan aku, turut gembira.

Terkadang tangis bingit,

Terkadang jerit perit,

Terkadang diam bisu,

Terkadang sunyi rindu.

Anak-anak itu,

Darah dagingku.

Anak-anak itu,

Kesayanganku.

Dan selama ini,

anak-anak itulah,

INSPIRASIKU ",

Ikhlas,
Maksu ", *winkwink*

Matahari dan Pelangi ",

2009-08-21T18:35:00.003+08:00

Kadang-kadang ALLAH hilangkan sekejap matahari.Kemudian Dia datangkan pula guruh dan kilat.Puas kita menangis mencari mana hilangnya matahari kita.Rupa-rupanya ALLAH nak hadiahkan sebuah pelangi yang indah.

Bunyi nya tipikal. Selalu saja kedengaran. Tapi kali pertama itu yang kekal di ingatan.

Ya. Saya masih ingat orang pertama yang mengungkapkan nya kepada saya. Empat tahun lalu.

Peliknya. Memang dalam dunia ni, mungkin dalam hidup saya Tuhan hadiahkan seorang sahabat yang ada ketika saya susah dan hilang ketika senang. Bukan saya tak tahu menghargai atau tak kenang budi, tapi hakikatnya bila senang, Tuhan jauhkan dia dari saya. Dan ketika susah, datanglah dia ibarat pelangi yang tak pernah gagal buat saya tersenyum ",

Dan mungkin benar sekali dia memang pelangi. Kerana pelangi jarang-jarang kelihatan. Syaratnya selepas hujan, itupun tak tentu. Bila cuba diingatkan kembali, sangat betul yang sudah terlalu lama saya tidak melihat pelangi. Maksud saya pelangi yang tulen, yang tujuh warnanya itu (Michael Jackson Kills His Brother In Uganda etc.) Dan si pelangi? Lagi lah lama tidak terlihat. Entah bila. Bila-bila Tuhan izinkan ",

Ungkapan di atas, walaupun hanya beberapa baris, tapi amat mendalam maksudnya bagi saya. Jika diingatkan kembali, memang saat itu matahari saya langsung hilang. Dan pedoman juga hilang. Masa depan? Hampir-hampir saya letak tepi. Seingat saya, ketika dia ungkapkan ayat itu, saya terlalu mahukan sesuatu yang tak mungkin jadi milik saya. Saya terlalu rindukan kehidupan lalu yang ceria bahagia, dan begitulah bila mimpi dan impian mengatasi realiti kehidupan.

Ketika hidup saya penuh penyesalan, jiwa kosong, hati tak tentu, dan pertimbangan luar kebiasaan, maka Tuhan datangkan dia untuk membuka mata hati. Benar. Ungkapan itulah yang buat saya kuat. Yang mengingatkan saya tentang peraturan kehidupan. Dan menyedarkan saya indahnya hidup yang saya ada. Walaupun dia tak mungkin tahu tentang entri ini, saya ucapkan terima kasih yang tak terhingga, semoga pelangi nya selalu indah.

Kadang-kadang perkara kecil bagi kita, mungkin besar maknanya bagi orang lain. Dan begitu juga sebaliknya *winkwink*

Terima Kasih Tuhan. Terima Kasih dia. ",

P/S: tanpa Matahari, takkan ada Pelangi. kan? *winkwink*

Cerita Kita Satu Hari ",

2009-08-17T17:14:00.004+08:00

15 Ogos 2009. Kiranya dah setahun juga lah selepas reunion tidak rasmi semasa majlis rasmi Alep. HEHE.

Dan sekali lagi, satu hari ini saya habiskan waktu dengan teman-teman dalam reunion yang tak pasti tahap rasmi nya. *winkwink*

Perjalanan pagi yang panas dan kereta yang banyak disertakan dengan kecuaian sendiri salah masuk simpang sampai masuk Federal Highway menyedarkan saya untuk tidak bergantung harap kepada GPS sepenuhnya. HAHA.

Waktu tengah hari saya habiskan di Sunway Pyramid yang sah-sah penuh manusia sebab rupanya MTV World Stage ke ape tu berlangsung petang itu. OK. tak amek port sebab takde lah gila Hoobastank, mahupun Estranged. Alah, kalau Bunkface sekali pun buat apa nak hafal bila dan di mana, membazir ruang memori dalam otak. HEHE

Petang itu langsung ke Subang menyambung sesi 'perbincangan hal ehwal semasa' sambil jadi penjaga beg, wallet dan handphone tak bertauliah bagi pemain-pemain futsal yang nampaknya riang ria kanak-kanak Ribena.

Disebabkan pemandangan terhad jadi saya setia jadi penonton perlawanan. Seronok. Lihat bola. Dan juga si pengejar bola. Sedar tak sedar, satu dekad dah berlalu sejak dari hari itu. Dari anak-anak kecil naif kini sudah hampir menggapai bintang, sudah mampu bermimpi hebat dan kenal kehidupan. Mungkin ada yang tidak mengerti ikatan yang tersimpul rapi antara setiap anak-anak kecil itu dulu, hakikatnya ikatan itulah yang menyatukan kita kembali. Tak kiralah lima tahun dulu, setahun lalu, atau sepuluh tahun nanti pun. Seribu tahun .. mungkin?? *winkwink*

Dan aktiviti setelah itu amat mencabar bagi saya. Asalnya, mahu makan malam langsung sesi karaoke. Sudahnya, ikutkan kapal entah berapa nakhoda, sampai jam 10.30 pm pun perut belum terisi. Nasib baik lah si pemandu tampak cool & steady, maka saya pun ikut cool & steady lah walaupun dalam hati Tuhan saja yang tahu. HUHU

Akhirnya, jam 11 pm tiba di Syed Bistro dan bermulalah sesi balas dendam.

1NasiGorengPattaya+1/2NasiGorengKampungEsoh+Teh O Limau Suam
= Perut Kenyang Suka Hati ",

Dan memang hati terhibur sungguh ketika itu dengan karenah tujuh orang kami. ",

Semalaman di rumah Yan bersama Esoh dan berbicara memeluk bantal sampai jam lima pagi juga menghiburkan. Terlalu banyak rasanya isi perbualan dan gelak sakan bagai nak gila. Terlalu lama rasanya tidak berbuat begitu, dan akhirnya terubat jua rindu ",

Ya memang benar sekali kita tidak perlu berpatah kembali pada waktu dulu. Benar juga tidak perlu mengenang apa yang telah hilang. Dan betul juga tak perlu emosi atas yang lama terjadi.

Tapi tak salah rasanya bicara kembali cerita kita bagaikan layar mempamer detik-detik suka terselit duka ",

Dan memori pun tercipta lagi *winkwink*

Cuma satu persoalan yang masih belum terjawab dari dulu..

ermm ... Takpe lah. Biar jadi misteri ",

Suka suki Jaga Exam

2009-08-12T16:18:00.005+08:00

Babak 1

"Kak, nak tanye lah, soalan ni nak bagi faktor umum ke, bagi contoh spesifik?"

"Oh, tak pastilah. Tunggu Prof datang jap ye. Dia yang buat soalan."

"Ow, abes akak buat ape je? Pusing-pusing jalan-jalan je ke?"

"............"

Babak 2

"Kak, saya nak tanye ni?"

"Ape dia?"

"Bleh tak saya tanya, umur akak berape?"

"Oh, teke lah"

"Erm. tak tau lah. Tapi ikut saiz kasut ni macam saiz 6"

"........................"

OK. Persoalannya di sini, apakah saya kelihatan terlalu muda untuk menjaga exam?

Atau soalan exam itu terlalu susah sampai mereka mencari alternatif untuk hilangkan stres?

Yang pasti, masih saya yang jadi mangsa. T___T

Yesterday~

2009-08-09T13:18:00.004+08:00

I was pretty tensed with the exam. The school surrounding wasn't inspiring at all, which I wonder how the students cope with the 'nice' view. A new friend I met even said it was like an abandoned school. But maybe it's their recipe of success, who knows?

The questions were all direct, and it was really an advantage if you always play with numbers, but for me? HAHA. Numbers .. wut?

And the last part, the English essay, I finished my writing for 30 minutes and then 'cabut' lah! Seriously, it was really a hectic day for me.

Driving back to UPM was another thing. I didn't expect the traffic in Kajang was that bad. Luckily I went out earlier so that at least I didn't have to join the candidates crowd. And yeah, luckily I only drive a Kancil, a perfect machine for a busy road. HAHA

Being alone among the crowds with majority of working people made me feel uncomfortable. Does that means that I have stepped out from the comfort zone? I wished I had. Because I think the world around me since 5 years ago aren't changing much. Same people, same building, same atttitude, same mentality etc. But no worries, the time will come. And I'll definitely leave the comfort zones to seek for a better chance. When? Just wait!

Above all, what happened yesterday were all out of my imagination. Never dreamed of, never hoped for, never. And it just happened. Things I never thought of doing, places I never imagined of going, people I never expected to meet. But hey, I did it! And I feel good bout it despite all the mental-torture I've had earlier. *winkwink*

And I thank God for giving me opportunities, and letting me choose the path, which I never regret of doing ",

Yang Mana Satu?

2009-08-06T10:32:00.003+08:00

1. Peperiksaan PTD 8 Ogos 2009.

Hampir terlupa saya pernah menjadikan PTD sebagai pilihan dalam borang SPA. Minggu lepas baru dapat surat untuk peperiksaan, yang entah berapa ribu manusia yang ambil. Tak mengapalah, mak kata sekadar pengalaman. Saya pun rasa begitu. Tapi, kalau mahu pergi, takkan tiada persiapan, bukan? Jadi terpaksalah menelaah buku SKP 2101 Kenegaraan Malaysia dalam baki sehari setengah ini. Tak kisahlah apapun hasilnya, janji saya dapat kepuasan kerana telah berusaha ",

2. Konvokesyen UPM ke-33. 8 & 9 Ogos 2009.

Rasanya inilah konvokesyen paling penting untuk saya hadiri selepas konvokesyen sendiri. Kenapa? Kerana rakan-rakan seperjuangan yang sama-sama mendaftar tahun 2005 akan bergraduat pula kali ini. Oh tak lupa juga adik-adik junior yang telah tamat ijazah 3 tahun. Kerana saya pernah melalui majlis konvokesyen sendiri, jadi saya begitu faham ertinya bagi seseorang itu. Selain kehadiran keluarga, pastinya rakan-rakan seperjuangan lah yang diharapkan untuk sama berkongsi kegembiraan. Rakan-rakan Bacelor Sains Pertanian dan junior Bacelor Sains (K) Mikrobiologi hari Sabtu petang (oh tak lupa juga coursemate yang extend 1 semester dulu). Lab mate Bacelor Sains Hortikultur hari Ahad pagi, dan junior Bacelor Sains Perniagaan Tani pada petang Ahad. Ok. Hari Sabtu kemungkinan besar memang wajib pergi lah, sejurus tamat peperiksaan PTD jam 4.30 pm. Hari Ahad itu yang jadi tanda tanya. Kenapa?

3. Reunion kecil-kecilan SK Taman Ehsan. 9 Ogos 2009.

OK. Setelah keluar beronggeng bersama rakan-rakan lama di Red Box The Curve minggu lepas, terciptalah idea untuk keluar berkelah pula di Hutan Lipur Kanching. Entah di mana, saya tak pernah sampai pun. Jadinya, bersungguh-sungguh mereka mahukan saya hadir. Hati dah berbelah bahagi. Konvo @ reunion? Haishh. Sampai sekarang pun masih pusing lagi.

Dan mungkin sepanjang waktu sebelum hari Ahad pasti berkira-kira lagi. Aishh. mana satu ni? Tolong!

Kisah tak kisah lah.

2009-08-01T19:08:00.003+08:00

kau nak marah-marah,

kau nak perjuangkan hak kau,

kau nak bawak perubahan,

kau nak tunjuk perasaan,

ada aku kisah?

Tak. Aku tak kisah.

Tapi yang buat aku kisah,

bila akibat dari perlakuan kau,

mendatangkan susah pada aku.

Roadblock sana sini, jam sana sini.

eh tolong lah!

dan aku pelik jugak,

selama ni kau hidup dengan sengsara ke yang kau nak bawak perubahan sangat?

Jadilah orang-orang yang bersyukur, ok?

dan kawan-kawan yang disayangi,

sayangilah masa depan anda.

sayang bangsa, sayang negara. bukan hanya sayang par-ti. ok?

Hanya monolog picisan...

2009-07-24T09:15:00.002+08:00

Pencarian dalam hidup aku belum berakhir. Tak terbayang pun satu titik noktah. Kadang-kadang aku nampak bayangannya, tapi entah, sekilas pandang semua terbang hilang. Ya, aku tak nafikan kadangkala aku sendiri yang tutup mata bila aku tiba di persimpangan, seolah-olah aku tidak mahu ia berakhir, tak mahu itu yang jadi penyudahannya, kerana aku tahu aku berhak menentukan hidup aku. Bukan orang lain. Sedangkan mak dan ayah pun hanya mampu menunjukkan arah pada aku, inikan pula jasad asing yang tak terikat darah denganku. Sukar rasanya mencari sudut persamaan bila asas yang terbina tak serupa.

Sudah begitu lama rasanya sejak insiden yang menghancurkan impian aku berlalu. Peristiwa yang merubah cara pemikiran dan pertimbangan, hati dan perasaan, juga perkataan. Pembawakan diri yang lebih agresif ku kira buat aku lebih selesa dengan persetankan kata orang. Aku juga punya hidup seperti kau, kau dan kau yang tak sudah-sudah berkata aku itu dan ini, sedangkan kau, kau dan kau tahu benar aku juga punya impian besar, dan hasil kata-kata kau, kau dan kau impian aku musnah, ya, memang impian aku musnah kerana kegagalan aku, tapi terdorong oleh perlakuan kau, kau dan kau juga, tahu?

Dulu aku hidup dengan menjaga hati orang, menjaga mulut orang, sampai hati aku tidak serupa hati lagi, dan mulut terkunci. Hanya air mata yang mampu bercerita deritanya hati bila terhukum seorang aku hanya kerana apa yang tak aku pinta, tapi yang Tuhan kurnia. Hasad dengki dan rasa hati yang tidak pernah puas dilempar semudah memejam mata kau, kau dan kau. Dan aku, terbiar sendiri mengutip cebisan hati yang berkecai , ku cantumkan dengan deraian air mata yang tak pernah surut dalam hati. Tapi zahirnya, tak pernah terlihat oleh siapa pun, hanya antara aku dan Tuhanku.

Ya aku sendiri. Juga beberapa insan yang prihatin. Yang aku kenang jasa mereka selagi Tuhan izinkan. Yang sentiasa di ingatan, yang sering hadir dalam rindu. Benar aku rindu. Bila Jalan Kehidupan yang ku lalui ini lebih sukar dan tak terbayang, bila tak satu tempat pun benarkan aku menumpang teduh. Mulalah aku menoleh seketika jejak yang kutinggalkan, harapnya ada yang mengejar dari belakang, tapi sunyi. Hampa.

Aku keliru. Kini aku tak lagi hidup dengan kata kau, kau dan kau. Tiada lagi ayat dan baris kata kau, kau dan kau yang menggangu. Telah juga aku bina impian yang sedikit dan kian membukit, telah aku genggam bara jadi abu berterbangan, telah aku jinakkan perasaan amarah dan dendam silam. Namun hati, tetap sayu, pilu, tetap begitu. Air mata? Teman setia.

Aku impikan sinar,menyuluh terang, Aku idamkan irama, memecah kesunyian. Dan aku harapkan satu, mengisi kekosongan. Kosong jiwa kosong. Kalau kosong mengapa tak isikan saja? Kalau kosong bagaimana mahu bahagia? Kalau kosong, apa ertinya? Kosong bukan bererti tiada, kosong tak bererti tak bahagia, kosong ada ertinya. Hanya satu yang dapat jadikan kosong jadi satu. Bagaimana? Itu bukan hak aku untuk menentukan. Hanya kosong dan satu yang tahu.

Aku dambakan hati yang mendambakan aku. Aku dambakan cinta yang perlukan aku, yang mati bila tiada aku.

Aku dambakan kemaafan dalam amarahku, dan sokongan dalam kelemahan aku.

Aku dambakan kepercayaan yang melangkaui keyakinanku, dan keikhlasan dalam kesusahanku.

Aku dambakan keredhaan dalam perjuanganku, dan kekuatan dalam kedukaanku.

Aku dambakan jiwa yang indahnya menutup keburukanku, dan bahagianya buat jiwaku tenang.

Terlalu beratkah permintaan dari hati yang dulu pernah hancur dan takut terobek lagi?

Kerana aku dijadikan Tuhan tak berdaya, walau zahir tampak keras.

Kerana aku diciptakan Tuhan dari rusuk si gagah, untuk dilindungi lemahnya aku, bukan dituding semua salahku.

Ya Allah, Kau lindungilah aku, selagi rusuk ini belum pulang pada tuannya. Kerana aku begitu kerdil dalam lautan manusia yang tak tentu niat baik buruknya, dendam dan amarahnya. Amiin.

Mahu pakai kasut aku? Kalau kau mahu tahu.

Akhirnya saya terima...

2009-07-20T08:36:00.005+08:00

Akhirnya, setelah beberapa ketika menafsir dan menganalisa, saya akur.

Saya terima keputusan pemansuhan PPSMI dengan hati terbuka.

Ya lah, untuk anak bangsa Melayu yang tak begitu bernasib baik, kurang mendapat sokongan persekitaran.

Maksud saya?

Fahamkan lah. Saya tahu, saya terima dan sangat setuju dengan pemansuhan itu atas satu sebab saja, sebab yang sangat kukuh. Kerana anak-anak luar bandar.

Mungkin tempoh hari orang mengklasifikasikan saya sebagai orang bandar yang tidak kisah andai ada anak desa yang ketinggalan, kerana mana-mana yang berjaya melepasi tahap itu akan lebih berjaya di masa depan. Saya tidak kisah. Apapun orang menafsir, selagi tidak diburuk-burukkan atau dijaja merata kisah saya, saya tidak ada masalah.

Anak-anak luar bandar. Ya, saya bukan anak-anak luar bandar. Tapi tak bermaksud saya tidak pernah meletakkan kaki dalam kasut mereka.

Ingin sekali saya kongsikan dengan dunia, kisah 3 tahun dulu. Ia bermula dengan kem kepimpinan yang lebih sesuai saya gelar kem penderaan kerana penderaan fizikal dan mental yang diterima sehingga tak setitis pun air mata mahu mengalir keluar kerana hati sudah kering kontang.

Dengan hati yang kering-kontang itu disusuli pula dengan kem BTN Asas untuk semua bakal fasilitator minggu orientasi, hati kering itu terus kering dek seorang yang menjengkelkan.

Dan selesai kem BTN itu, terus pula kami ke Pantai Timur.

Bakti Siswa. Tidak seperti bakti siswa yang biasa, Bakti Siswa (BAKTIS) kami tidaklah tinggal di rumah orang, tapi kami lebih tertumpu kepada pengisian di sekolah. Tahun itu adalah tahun ke-3 team Kolej 14 hadir menyumbang bakti di SK Beris Lalang, Bachok, Kelantan. Dan yang pertama dan terakhir bagi saya ",

Sebaik sahaja kelibat 2 bas UPM kelihatan di hadapan sekolah, berlari-lari adik-adik beratur di sepanjang jalan masuk. Saya kaget seketika. Turun saja dari bas, terus mereka bersalaman dengan kami, hati kering saya sebelum itu sedikit goyah dek adik-adik yang kecil comel, sudah darjah 6 masih lagi kelihatan seperti darjah 3 kalau di KL.

Aktiviti diteruskan. Slot perkenalan baik-baik sahaja, walaupun saya agak asing dengan dialek Kelantan, tapi saya cuba fahamkan demi adik-adik. Hari pertama, kebanyakan aktiviti tidaklah berkisar kepada individu, tapi berkumpulan.

Namun, yang masih kekal di ingatan saya. Bila tiba saja slot Bahasa Inggeris, hanya ada beberapa saja yang teruja. Dan yang pasti, paling teruja adalah anak cikgu. Ya, anak cikgu pandai. Anak petani?? Anak nelayan??

Saya hampiri adik-adik yang kelihatan diam. Saya tanyakan dia beberapa perkataan di atas kertas. Sepi~ saya kata, "Tak apa, kakak boleh ajar. Jangan takut, kakak tak marah."

Saya tanyakan, "Adik darjah berapa?"

Jawab si adik, "Lima"

Oh. tahun depan mahu UPSR. jadi masih ada waktu untuk belajar. Saya fikir dalam otak. Tak mungkin saya lafazkan pada adik itu.

Saya tarik dia ke tepi, tanyakan bagaimana mengeja perkataan-perkataan Bahasa Melayu. Jangankan menyebut, tangannya kaku bila saya berikan pensel dan kertas.

Lalu saya tanyakan, "Adik tahu tulis ABC?" Sepi~

Saat itu mata berkaca. Bukan adik itu tapi saya. Dan hati kering itu, tidak kering lagi.

Cepat-cepat saya kawal emosi agar air mata tak tumpah walau setitis pun, malu weh nangis depan budak-budak. HEHE

Lalu, saya ajarkan dia mana termampu. Dan yang pasti, bukan hanya seorang seperti adik itu.

Saya bukan cikgu, bukan juga seorang ibu. Tapi saya juga tahu, pentingnya ilmu untuk generasi adik itu. Kerana generasi itu bakal meneruskan perjuangan yang saya warisi dari orang terdahulu.

Dan saya faham kenapa mereka boleh jadi begitu. Betapa insafnya saya waktu itu, kerana aturan hidup saya ditentukanNya penuh dengan kesenangan dan kelancaran. Alhamdulillah.

Dan saya tinggalkan bumi Beris Lalang itu dengan doa dan semangat saya buat adik-adik comel itu. Semoga mereka jadi insan berjaya satu hari nanti. Dan saya harapkan mereka juga akan membantu generasi akan datang seperti mana saya pernah berbakti yang sedikit itu kepada mereka tanpa mengira fahaman pol-itik. Yang penting, majukanlah bangsa kita",

Tiga tahun dah berlalu. Tahun lepas pernah kami bina team BAKTIS sekali lagi, tapi tak berjaya kembali ke sana, dek isu wang ringgit konon tak berbaloi dilaburkan di sana hanya kerana perbezaan fahaman pol-itik orang di sini? Tolong lah! Tidak ada syarat untuk membantu adik-adik itu. Sepatutnya. Tapi kami akur, kami sedar kami ini siapa.

Baru-baru ini, saya terima kiriman SMS, katanya adik dari Beris Lalang, sudah di Tingkatan 2. Sejujurnya saya tidak ingat pun nama-nama mereka, barangkali kerana terlalu ramai dan juga kerana sudah lama. Tapi tak mengapalah. Saya gembira, terlalu gembira kerana ada juga yang masih ingat pada saya. Dan doa saya sentiasa mengiringi adik-adik Beris Lalang. Semoga jadi insan baik-baik ya dik ",

RP..

2009-07-15T00:44:00.003+08:00

Ok. Tiba-tiba teringat tentang sesuatu.

Reverse psychology? Anda pasti tahu apa itu kan. Jadi tak perlulah saya huraikan dengan panjang lebar kerana saya bukan dalam mood untuk menghuraikan fakta.

Sedar atau tidak, reverse psychology(RP) ni digunakan secara meluas, dalam apa jua taktik untuk mendapatkan sesuatu, dalam kehidupan seharian kita.

Cuma yang ingin saya ketengahkan di sini adalah taktik RP ini sering juga digunakan oleh lelaki untuk menarik perhatian si gadis. Betulkah? Ala. Korang takkan nak ngaku kot.*winkwink*

OK lah, kalau bukan korang (yang baca blog ni), ade la segelintir yang pernah saya jumpa sepanjang perjalanan hidup ni.

Situasi dia macam ni la. Modus operandi yang stereotaip.

“Eleh, ko ingat ko baik sangat ke? Depan orang jual mahal, tapi layan ramai je kan?”

“Ko ni bukan baik sangat pon. Aku tau sangat perempuan mcm ko ni. Harap muke je.”

“Eleh. Ingat aku nak kenal sangat ke dengan ko? Takyah perasan la weh”

*bukan ayat sebijik-sebijik. Takkan nak hafal kot ayat yang remeh-temeh ni.

Kenapa saya kata ini contoh RP?

Sebab bile dah mula ayat-ayat nak cari gaduh dan cari pasal tu, saya secara otomatik akan menekan butang IGNORE seterusnya mematikan kewujudan mereka dalam hidup saya. Noktah.

Sejam. Dua jam. Dua belas jam. Satu hari. Dan kemudian ada pula mesej-mesej seperti:

“Sori lah kalau awak terasa. Saya mintak maaf. Tak bermaksud pun nak cakap awak macam tu”

“Sebenarnya saya ikhlas nak kawan dengan awak. Maafkan saya ye.”

Dan ketika itulah OMG akan bertukar menjadi WTHello (inspired from Ayep's blog: WTFun which its origin is unknown *winkwink*)

Nah. Bukan saya yang buat assumption. Tapi pengakuan dari tuan punya ayat. Mahu fikir apa lagi?

Jadi, dalam hal ni saya anggap penggunaan RP seperti di atas sangat tidak sesuai. Ada saja taktik RP yang berjaya dalam isu menarik-tertarik-kau memang da bomb ni, tapi berhati-hatilah apabila menggunakannya. Kerana ia boleh jadi ibarat menjilat ludah sendiri.

Kepada lelaki yang segelintir yang menggunakan taktik seperti di atas, silalah fikirkan modus operandi yang lebih extravaganza. Sebab takut-takut nanti sendiri yang hati sakit. (Balasan sebab menyakitkan hati orang lain pada awalnya)

Kepada si gadis, jangan lah terlalu ambil pusing jika ada kata nista yang dilemparkan. Andai kita benar, tak perlulah hiraukan ayat-ayat RP ni.

P/s: Teringat dialog dalam satu kisah cerekarama bertajuk Cinta Dalam Hati lakonan Zafrul & Elly Mazlein. Lebih kurang begini maksudnya “Tanggungjawab seorang lelaki untuk meletakkan martabat wanita di tempat paling tinggi” ~iya kah?

Karya lewat malam 4

2009-07-10T03:38:00.002+08:00

"Orang macam awak ni kan, ada satu benda je dlm kepala.
Tolong jangan ganggu saya,
SAYA TAK MINAT"

Ok. Petikan ni adalah dialog Iman dalam filem Sepi lakonan Baizura Kahar.

Tengah-tengah malam buta ni tiba-tiba teringat dialog dan scene tu. Entah kenapa.
Mungkin penangan tidak boleh tidur sebab siang tadi tidur berjam-jam untuk menghilangkan sakit kepala. HAHA

Tapi sebagai seorang perempuan saya rasa scene tu sangat cool.

Kalaulah dapat ungkapkan dialog yang sama. Dengan nada yang sama. Cool! HAHA

Siapa mahu jadi Syed Hussein a.k.a. Ean? Angkat tangan!!

(Buang tebiat kerana tahu tak pandai berlakon tapi mahu juga!*winkwink*)

P/S: ini entri suka-suka. tak ada niat menyinggung sesiapa. Tapi kalau terasa, anda tergigit cili agaknya ", *BOOM*

Karya lewat malam 3

2009-07-10T02:10:00.002+08:00

Perkahwinan. Ya. Saya sedang memperkatakan tentang perkahwinan.

Perkataan pertama yang saya samaertikan dengan perkahwinan adalah TANGGUNGJAWAB.

Dan bila menyebut tentang tanggungjawab, bermacam-macam lagi yang timbul. Komitmen, amanah, toleransi, persefahaman, bla bla bla ….

Saya tidak sekali-kali pernah melarang atau menyalahkan mereka yang kahwin di usia muda. Tak pernah! Yang saya salahkan adalah kesediaan untuk berumah tangga batu atau papan, atau sekadar pondok tiada dinding, atau mahu sekadar beratapkan langit?

Saya tahu, sememangnya tuntutan agama kita sendiri untuk berkahwin jika sudah mampu. Tapi mampu bagaimana? Mampu menyara keluarga dengan duit biasiswa? Mampu berkahwin dengan duit pinjam? Mampu membuat majlis dengan duit ibu ayah? Mampu bagaimana itu? (Maaf bagi yang terasa",)

Telah lama saya letakkan syarat MAMPU ini dalam standard saya sendiri. Dan kerana itulah, pada umur 23 ini saya tidak fikir lagi soal itu. Perancangan tetap ada, tapi bila dan siapa itu biarlah saya simpan sendiri. Sampai masa nanti, pasti akan saya beritahu pada dunia”,

Mampu bagi saya? Mungkin agak tinggi permintaan saya. Tapi tidak lah keterlaluan. Mampu menjaga dan memenuhi keperluan saya sebagaimana mak dan ayah saya berikan. Cukuplah dengan ruang tinggal yang selesa, tak kisahlah janji boleh bernafas. Kenderaan? Janji selamat dan sampai ke destinasi. Yang lain-lain biar saya fikirkan sendiri. Tapi bukankah lebih manis kalau dihadiahkan? HEHE

Kalau saya mahu berumah tangga, saya mahu rumah batu. Kerana ia lebih kukuh dan selamat, sekurang-kurangnya tak melayang di pukul angin. Atap tak terbang, mungkin bocor sedikit tak mengapalah, boleh ditutup lubang itu bila hari dah cerah. Tertutup dengan dinding, tidak ada celah yang membenarkan untuk diintai, jadi rahsia tersimpan kemas. Tingkap? Oh, kalau kita terlupa untuk menutupnya. Salah kita juga, bukan salah tingkap. Tapi sekurang-kurangnya tingkap itu ditutupi langsir, jadi hanya yang benar-benar hebat dapat melihat isi dalamnya.

Rumah batu saya akan saya cat dengan cat Colourland, kerana ia buatan Malaysia”, Warna pilihan? Merah jambu warna kasih sayang, biru tanda kesetiaan, dan putih? Kerana ia bersih. Ibarat syurga.

Oh lupa. Rumah batu saya akan saya pagar dengan elok, pintu dan tingkap terpasang kunci yang kukuh, tak lupa juga gril di setiap ruang yang perlu. Bukan mahu jadi penjara, tapi tak mahu sesiapa pun tanpa rela mencapai yang bukan haknya, yang jadi milik saya dan seisi rumah batu itu “,

Jadi, saya tak kisah untuk tunggu sedikit lama. Memberi ruang untuk Jurutera rumah batu saya itu mengumpul batu-batu paling baik kualitinya serata dunia. Agar rumah batu saya takkan pernah retak walau seinci, dan tersergam indah tak kira dipukul badai dunia sekalipun. Paling penting, bila rumah batu saya siap kelak, menetap di dalamnya bahagia bagai dalam syurga”,

Dan seandainya saya tak sempat menduduki rumah batu impian saya itu, saya nantikan Jurutera rumah batu saya di alam lain. Mungkin di situ lebih sesuai kita binakan rumah batu kita itu “,

Tersenyum.

Karya lewat malam 2

2009-07-10T02:08:00.001+08:00

Semalam saya berjumpa Doktor. Bertanyakan perihal sakit kepala yang jarang-jarang datang menyapa, tapi sekali kena tak keruan dibuatnya. Ya lah, kalau pening-pening tu biasalah. Terkena hujan, tak cukup tidur dan sebagainya. Tapi ini sakit menggigit. Seolah ada yang mengunyah otak (metafora kah ini?) HAHA.

Doktor sarankan saya untuk melihat trend sakit kepala ini. Mungkin ada makanan yang tak boleh di makan. Dan bila doktor tanyakan tentang coklat, cepat-cepat saya menjawab, semalam tak ada makan pun doktor! Jangan lah ditarik balik nikmat coklat itu dari saya, TOLONG! Tak sanggup! Walaupun tidak makan coklat dengan kerap, tapi nikmat coklat itulah terapi di kala stress yang melampau. Hakikatnya, saya dan coklat teman rapat! “,

Doktor kata mungkin migrain. Terdiam. Mungkin terlalu banyak berfikir. Atau terlalu banyak perkara yang menggangu emosi? Entah. Selama belajar degree tunggang-terbalik-dunia pun tak pernah lagi kepala di gigit. Dan bila masa kisah cinta tak indah dan pecah-berderai juga belum pernah sakit begini. Mungkin ini tanda-tanda kedewasaan. Atau penuaan? Saya relakan yang pertama. HEHE

Apa-apapun, saya harap ia tidak datang lagi. Tak mahu! Mahu hidup riang-ria! Mahu hati senang dan tak bimbang! Fikiran mahu tenang! Mahu mahu! *winkwink*

Karya lewat malam 1

2009-07-10T01:58:00.004+08:00

Izinkan saya berkarya lagi. Kali ini dalam bentuk potret.

Ini adalah antara percubaan pertama saya berjinak-jinak dengan Nikon D90 semasa tuan punya harta pergi memenuhi tuntutan alam. (ringkasnya, pergi ke tandas) HEHE.

Saya namakan ia Penantian. Atau dalam Bahasa Inggerisnya A long wait. Noktah. Kalian huraikan lah sendiri maksudnya, kerana kita manusia, memandang sesuatu dari sudut yang berbeza-beza.

Lihat jauh-jauh, renung dalam-dalam. Selam dan fikir “,

Ya, aku terganggu!

2009-07-09T08:44:00.003+08:00

Nah. rasanya rata-rata orang pasti akan mengulas tentang isu PPSMI. Jadi aku malas untuk peduli. Masalahnya, kemalasan itu tak sehebat rasa hati yang tak puas, emosi yang agak membuak-buak untuk dilepaskan tapi tidak tahu ke mana. Jadi aku tidak kisah, mahu baca, silakan. Tidak mahu? Juga silakan.

Aku tahu aku hanyalah setitik noktah dalam ribuan perkataan novel Ahadiat Akashah. Ok itu hanya metafora. Hakikatnya, aku tahu aku siapa. Hanyalah seorang graduan universiti tempatan yang selama 8 tahun belajar ilmu Sains dan Matematik dalam Bahasa Melayu dan kemudian apabila diubah kepada PPSMI, aku gusar, risau dan resah. Takut-takut tak terbawa nanti. Bukan mahu bongkak, tapi Bahasa Inggerisku dari dulu tidak pernah tergolong dalam gred biasa, pasti lebih. Dan ia sedikitpun tidak menjamin kecemerlangan aku dalam subjek Sains dan Matematik. Malah aku rasa begitu asing dengan perkataan beaker, volumetric flask, funnel, fume chamber dan banyak lagi lah! Sedangkan semasa di sekolah itulah permainanku di dalam makmal.

Tapi melihat dari sudut yang lain, aku bersyukur. Sekurang-kurangnya biarlah aku terkial-kial ketika peralihan BM ke BI itu semasa di matrikulasi, jadi di universiti aku sudah boleh terbang tinggi. Ok, tidak lah tinggi mana, sekurang-kurangnya terbang, bukan?

Satu perkara yang masih bermain di benak fikiranku tentang kajian PPSMI ini. Adakah ia melibatkan cendekiawan universiti tempatan yang mengajar subjek Sains dan Matematik?Jika ya, maka aku akur dan sedikit puas dalam hati kerana mungkin ya tidak ada bezanya antara mereka yang sudah ada asas Sains dan Matematik dalam BI sebelum masuk ke universiti, dan yang belum. Tapi benarkah? Kerana aku pernah terbaca status Facebook seorang Profesor di fakulti aku bahawa pelajar yang sudah ada asas Sains dan Matematik dalam BI mampu berkomunikasi dalam BI dengan lebih baik. Itu bagaimana?

Tak mengapalah. Aku akan cuba percaya pemansuhan PPSMI ini akan mendatangkan lebih banyak keuntungan kepada negara. Dan aku, akan teruskan hidup bergelumang dengan Sains dan Matematik dalam Bahasa Inggeris, tanpa melupakan bahasa kebanggaanku ini. Bukti? Blog ini sudah cukup.

Maaflah entri ini adalah luahan rasa hati yang tak puas dengan perkara di luar kawalan kita. Aku hanyalah suara minor. Dan kerana hal-hal seperti ini yang membakar semangatku untuk jadi suara major satu hari nanti. Tapi tak perlulah mungkin. Aku mahukan kehidupan yang privasi. Dan biarkan aku terus berkarya dalam ruanganku sendiri.

Dan aku harap, isu PPSMI ini tidak akan dibahaskan lagi, tidak akan ditukar lagi, cukup-cukup lah jadikan ia isu pol-itik. Janji? ~sepi~

Hari ini. Ya, Hari ini.

2009-07-08T11:22:00.004+08:00

Entri kali ini. apa ya?

3 perkara tentang 8 Julai 2009.

1. Pengumuman keputusan kabinet tentang PPSMI. *berdebar-debar sungguh*

2. Kelas amali pertama semester ini sebagai demo. *Harap-harap tidak kena buli lagi macam semester lepas *

3. Hari Istimewa seseorang. Adik, Selamat Hari Ulangtahun ke-21 yah ", semoga segala-galanya akan jadi lebih baik, yang penting YAKIN dan PERCAYA *winkwink*

P/S: mahu menulis tentang isu yang lebih berat tapi kesuntukan masa. Maaf semua",

Perihal Komuniti Atas Talian...

2009-07-05T21:28:00.002+08:00

Facebook dan Friendster.

Yang bagus untuk saya ..

- medium untuk berkomunikasi dengan rakan-rakan tak kira di mana jua mereka berada.

- tempat untuk mencari rakan lama yang terpisah, lagipun dunia ni tak besar mana, kan?

Yang jadi masalah bagi saya ..

- sering saja ada orang yang tak dikenali mahu jadi kawan. Mahu berkawan secara virtual? Saya tidak selesa.

- medium untuk orang lain ambil tahu hal kita. Kalau setakat ambil berat boleh lah diterima. Ini tidak, siap menilai. Dan yang paling tidak masuk akal, si girlfriend pun mahu jadi kawan kita, hanya kerana si boyfriend itu view page kita. Macam-macam!

- perlu kah diletakkan status di situ? Jika saya letak, masalah. Jika tak letak, juga masalah. Masalahnya, kenapa perlu jadi masalah? Niat saya berFriendster dan berFacebook jelas saya nyatakan. Jadi jika ada niat yang lain, MAAF SAYA TAK BERMINAT.

Nah. Entah kenapa saya jadi terganggu dengan komuniti atas talian ini. Mungkin ada sebab-sebab peribadi. Yang pasti, nasihat saya bagi yang boleh menerima:

TOLONGLAH. FRIENDSTER@FACEBOOK ITU BOLEH DIAKSES OLEH ORANG LAIN. TAK PERLULAH CERITAKAN HAL YANG TERLALU PERIBADI JIKA TAK SANGGUP NAK JAWAB PERSOALAN YANG BAKAL TIMBUL DAN TAK MAHU TANGGUNG RISIKO ATAS APA YANG DIPERKATAKAN. Marilah kita semua BERKAWAN dengan AMAN ya! ",

Atas sebab-sebab begini lah, saya bercadang untuk menutup akaun Friendster saya. Berbaloikah?

Masih Cinta ? Kotak?

2009-07-03T09:01:00.003+08:00

Kenapa dengan lagu ini? Entah. Yang pasti, dah berminggu-minggu dan saya masih tak jemu ",

Suke suke ",

Ingat lagi kah?

2009-07-03T08:38:00.002+08:00

Dulu saya tidak minat subjek Fizik. Betul. Yang paling malas, menghafal rumus.

Dan jika ditanya sekarang, rumus apa yang masih ada dalam ingatan, tidak ada. Kecuali yang ini.

W=Fs

F=ma

Kenapa ya?

Kerana bila ditukarganti,

W=mas

Nah, fahamkan kenapa saya masih ingat rumus itu.

Terima kasih kepada 'cikgu Fizik' yang kreatif. Kerana itu, saya bukakan hati saya untuk Fizik.

cuma saya tertanya-tanya, W=mas. W itu apa?

Workaholic? Patut lah! *winkwink*

Gedung ilmu Saya ",

2009-06-26T09:52:00.004+08:00

Pemanduan pagi ini ke fakulti tidak menarik seperti biasa. Mungkin kerana tidak ada pak guard yang menunjukkan isyarat PEACE kepada saya ", HEHE. Dan mungkin juga kerana pak guard di pintu utama memberi isyarat supaya saya memakai tali pinggang keledar. Saya balas dengan senyuman. Yah, betul tu. Asalkan memandu keluar universiti pasti saya pakai keledar, tapi bila sekadar mahu ke fakulti, liat sungguh mahu menarik tali keledar itu. Pernah juga saya tertanya, kenapa penunggang motosikal kalau tak pakai topi keledar pasti pak guard tahan, tapi kalau pemandu kereta tak pakai tali pinggang keledar, mereka tutup mata saja. Nah, sudah kena hari ini. Jadi selepas ini mesti pakai ya! Tak mahu jadi iklan sos cili ",

Di sepanjang jalan utama, sudah tergantung kemas banting-banting SELAMAT DATANG PELAJAR BAHARU. MINGGU PERKASA PUTRA 2009/2010. Dan hati pun terusik. Sedikit.

Masih teringat lagi tarikh 3 Julai 2005. Mendaftar di Kolej Empat Belas, UPM. Nama gah, bilik kecik, Tandas buruk, haa apa lagi? Banyak negatif dari positif. Ya lah, manusia tidak lari dari membuat perbandingan. Dan perbandingan yang saya buat ketika itu adalah dengan Kolej Matrikulasi Johor. Pasti kalah teruk, bukan? (bagi sesiapa yang tahu ",)

Tapi saya seronok. Seronok sangat. Berada di tempat baru. Orang-orang baru. Kawan-kawan baru. Serius saya katakan, terasa bagai dilahirkan semula. Bebas dari bayangan lalu ", Bagi yang telah mengenali saya sebelum tarikh itu, nah, inilah titik mulanya re-branding seorang saya ",

Berbekalkan kekuatan dan keazaman, berhati-hati saya agar tidak jatuh lagi. Ya, dan tidak pernah jatuh teruk. Jatuh sedikit itu biasalah, itukan HIDUP ", Dan sesuatu yang ingin saya kongsi bersama dunia, adalah Dewan Besar PKKSSAAS. Pertama kali melangkah masuk sebagai seorang yang tidak tahu apa, dan kali terakhir melangkah keluar dengan segulung ijazah ",

Dan di pentas itu juga beberapa kali saya berdiri, bukan mahu berbangga diri, tapi sekadar ingin berkongsi di sini. Dulu saya juga pernah duduk di atas kerusi di bawah itu, terlentok mengantuk tertidur. Adakala mencatat sesuatu yang diperkatakan oleh mereka di atas pentas itu. Dan satu perkara yang sering saya ucapkan dalam hati (kerana tak terluah di atas pentas itu) adalah:

Wahai adik-adikku, dulu saya juga seperti kamu. Duduk di bawah situ. Dan hari ini, saya mampu berdiri di sini. Kerana dulu, semasa di bawah itu, saya pernah berkata kepada diri, "Satu hari nanti aku akan berada di atas pentas itu dan orang lain yang akan mendengar ucapanku" DAN SAYA MEMPERCAYAINYA ",

Sesiapa pun boleh buat, asalkan KITA mahu, dan KITA PERCAYA KITA MAMPU ", Kalau orang lain BOLEH, kenapa tidak KITA?

Tidak kira betapa pahitnya kisah silam yang kita lalui, betapa bencinya orang kepada kita, betapa rendah martabat dan kemampuan kita di mata mereka, hanya SATU, hanya KITA YANG BOLEH MENGUBAHNYA. dan kemudian mereka takkan mampu berkata apa. Perubahan dalam diri saya mungkin terdorong oleh KEINGINAN UNTUK MENJADI LAIN DARI YANG LAIN, atau mungkin juga kerana DENDAM? Entahlah. Yang pasti ia membawa KEBAIKAN ",

Yang nyata, perkara lama itu saya biarkan saja berlalu. Di hati tak pedih lagi. Alhamdulillah",

P/S: Saya akan bercuti dari segala kekusutan bermula dari jam 5.00 PM hari ini sehingga 11.59 PM Selasa 30 Jun 2009. YES! That's the way I like it ahak ahak. HAHA (holiday mood",)

Siapa kata Master senang?

2009-06-19T23:26:00.006+08:00

Tiba-tiba terlintas di fikiran saya untuk menulis tentang ini.

Ya, bagi yang tidak tahu, saya adalah seorang pelajar Master yang kadangkala tertanya-tanya mengapa ramai yang bertanya "Kenapa kau sambung Master, kenapa tak kerja?"

OK. Kenapa kau sambung Master?

Sebab saya TAHU apa saya MAHU. Pernah dulu saya impikan menjadi Doktor, bukan sekadar mahu poket penuh setiap hari, tapi lebih dari itu. Kerana saya tahu, saya mahukan sesuatu yang lebih bermakna dari kertas-kertas bernombor yang manusia sanggup mati untuknya. Ya, saya mahukan kepuasan. Dan kepuasan itu hanya dapat direalisasikan apabila saya membantu orang lain mendapatkan sesuatu yang bakal merubah kehidupan mereka dan keluarga mereka. Ya, memang saya gagal untuk menjadi doktor perubatan, tapi semangat saya sedikitpun tak pernah luntur, tak pernah goyah untuk mendapatkan Dr. PhD.

Sudahlah. Setakat Dr PhD tu senang-senang boleh dapat!

Ya benar. Ada manusia yang berpendapat sebegitu. Tapi benarkah? Saya bangkang 101%. Lebih 1% kerana saya percaya mana-mana Dr. PhD tidak akan berkata sebegitu. Kerana anda yang berkata sebegitu tidak merasai kesusahan yang tak dapat diterjemahkan oleh sesiapa pun. Ya benar ada saja yang personalitinya bosan, pakaiannya selekeh, rambut tidak terurus dan BAHASA INGGERISnya tidak fasih mampu juga mendapat PhD, tapi dapatkah anda menafsir kebijaksanaannya dan usahanya dan keazamannya untuk mendapatkan segulung ijazah PhD itu?

Kenapa kau tak kerja dulu? Nanti baru sambung.

Untuk apa saya kerja kalau niat nak sambung Master. Bukankah saya ini orangnya tidak suka melakukan perkara dengan tidak sepenuh hati? Lagi pula, momentum bekerja dan belajar ini tidak sama. Dan sukacita diingatkan di sini, Master Sains (Dengan Tesis) langsung tidak sama rasanya seperti belajar Bacelor Sains. Bukan saja rasa yang lain, malah komitmen juga bertambah kerana semuanya dilakukan sendiri. Usaha berminggu-minggu hanya untuk menjalankan satu eksperimen kecil. Nah ini gambarnya.

Persiapan secara total 2 minggu. +10 hari untuk pemerhatian. PENAT!

Maka, dapat saya simpulkan di sini, belajar tidak pernah senang. Kerana itulah orang berilmu diangkat martabatnya oleh Allah s.w.t.. Jadi kawan-kawan, sama-samalah kita menuntut ilmu yang pelbagai, janji yang diREDHAI-NYA. ok?

Tafsir pakai otak bukan pakai mulut.

Mahu pakai hati boleh kalau hati tak busuk",

Music and musician. Should I?

2009-06-18T16:24:00.003+08:00

I secretly helped myself to write a song recently.

But the first thing that came across my mind was, which comes first? the melody or the lyrics?the lyrics or the melody? and then I just ignored the question as I finally assumed the answer would be similar to "which comes first, the egg or the chicken?"

I love to write so lines of words wouldn't be a matter to me. But the problem was the melody. I don't even know how to play an instrument. OK maybe I learned some back in school but that was years years ago and that the instruments were recorders, castanets and those things that the primary school kids usually learn.

So I don't know how to play music, I just know how to sing. And it felt terrible when you got the melodies in your head but you don't know how to write them down.

I guess I should learn to play one. But when? *sigh*

Can I be 17 again?

2009-06-14T02:31:00.003+08:00

17 again and Hannah Montana.

I've watched both. Both have messages. But I like 17 again better ",

In the story, the guy screwed up his oppoturnity to go to college and married his pregnant girlfriend. Then, he kept complaining about the path he should have taken (going to college) until he got 2 grown up kids and his wife asked for a divorce. Then he wished that he is 17 again.

Yeah. My story wasn't the same as his. But if I were given the chance, yeah, I'd like to be 17 again. Why?

Well, only those that lived around me on my 17th year of life knew what happened and probably can guess what I hope I could change.

But it's forever a dream. A dream that will never come true. So I guess, I just have to say it here.

To whom that lived with my 17th year of life, I am truly sorry I screwed up. I screwed it all up. Everything, but it was the best moment though. Because the great lessons of life, the turning point, it all happened on the 17th year of my life. Thank You ",

And another thing, it was on this 17th year of my life that I finally found the true meaning of love and friendship. Thank you all for being there ",